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Ebony Dreams

Submitted by Candlewitch on Tue, 2011-10-04 11:49

Ebony Dreams

I am giddy in your presence
the scent of you fills me
with exhilaration
we become one with the night
our souls launch into the cosmos
soaring wild and free
spirits you and I
this tryst becomes a trial
of endurance with the arrival
Of the dreaded dawn
when I awaken to find
you are no more
and our love has gone
banished to the far off
lands of cherished dreams
never forgotten but
always a finger tips' distance
away from my yearning grasp

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

lou

Tue, 2011-10-04 12:14

lou's picture

you make us look bad, this is almost perfect in my view.

much love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Candlewitch

Wed, 2011-10-05 10:46

Candlewitch's picture
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You could never look bad to me. Thanks for your support!

love, Cat

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author comment

raj

Tue, 2011-10-04 15:11

the title is superb and fits the theme like a glove..the poem flows smoothly till "soaring wild and free"...thereafter i feel the line "spirits you and i" sort of thwarts the flow..without that line the poem meanders beautifully once again...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Candlewitch

Wed, 2011-10-05 10:48

Candlewitch's picture
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I'll take a look at that line. thanks for the comment :)

always, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Kailashana2

Thu, 2011-10-13 09:29

Sorry to poop on your parade, but what here hasn't been said a thousand times before in almost exactly the same way?

Come on Cat, only you can set free your muse!

~A

Candlewitch

Thu, 2011-10-13 10:13

Candlewitch's picture
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Somebody dropped a house on you, but it wasn't me, so Piss off....

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

magics02

Thu, 2011-10-13 10:18

spirits you and I
this tryst becomes a trial
of endurance with the arrival
Of the dreaded dawn
when I awaken to find
you are no more
and our love has gone
banished to the far off
lands of cherished dreams

Like this one much

Love to you and smiles from the miles I hope you catch them:)

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