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With her fingertips
Kneeling before the lake,
she broke a thousand mirrors
with her fingertips
and the light danced
like reflections to and from the sky
and the sky hung its head
like a saddened
shadow,
it rained for a long, long time.
Editing stage:
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Comments
pleiades
Sun, 2011-10-02 03:47
A, this is an exquisite piece
A, this is an exquisite piece of writing
reading the first 3 lines, i immediately
pictured her fingertips breaking the
mirrored surface,
and i saw the reflected shafts of light dancing
terrific, terrific imagery...and with so few words
i find such a deep level of emotion in this;
it feels like she's carrying a great sadness, yet
i don't get a sense of the burden of depression,
rather a great sadness that's tinged with a
certain pained sweetness...
it's so reflective (pun NOT intended)
wonderful melding of nature and emotion
i keep reading this...i love it
just a thought i had...
perhaps have a period after the penultimate line,
and the last line be a floating line?
i suggest that because as i read it, i naturally
paused before i read the last line...it feels to me, that
having the last line stand alone, adds to the impact
of its meaning
brava!
p
x
Roscoe Lane
Sun, 2011-10-02 17:28
This is,
This is positively sparkling, beautiful writing. Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.