Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

On His Way... [Graphic violence]

I had savaged him, torn out his eyes
He still fought on and on
I gave his body another blow
his will to live was strong

Anubis grabbed a leg
pulling muscle from the bone
Bloody jaws of death
teeth as hard as stone

Broken fingers and mangled hands
shards of bone stuck out
He twisted in my grasp once more
his throat gave a whispered shout

His lips peeled back in a rictus grin
as he tried to gouge my face
I held him off and shook him hard
he was clawing empty space

I squeezed his neck and twisted it
Bones snapped and faintly popped
I had to slash him three more times
before the thrashing stopped

As the light slowly drained from my victim's eyes
I wondered where it went
Here then gone... his breath was too
His will to live was spent

The fight had gone on so long
I'd lost all track of time
Evicerated, his bowels hung out
but at last his body was mine

As I severed joints and tendons
I butchered him, I did
I thought about his life-force
where had it flown and hid?

Fleeing off to who knows where
It had fled it's earthly shell
I wondered if it might return
To find itself in Hell

For this was a sadistic rapist
He killed for just his pleasure
I had tracked him for a while
tried to get his measure

He had to prove his manhood
driven to succeed
Beating down his victims
to fill his lustful, evil need

I filled his mouth with his jewels
I spread his legs out wide
Everyone must see the sin
he tried so hard to hide

Fried rice and ribs make a succulent meal
I boiled the tongue and lips
Lemon-juice and orange pulp
I strained out all the pips

Smells of cooked liver woke Anubis
He begged me for the heart
I made him sit... "Good dog!"
He weighed, then ate that part

We watched T.V. together
While we ate, we scanned the news
They showed a bloody murder
but they blocked out all good views

Vicious, they described it
I wonder if they know
that we just sent him on his way
to where all sinners have to go

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Grizzly and ferocious! I love the involvement of Anubis, The Egyptian Jakal headed God who takes the dead on the final journey. (I'm a fan of Egyptian Mythology) I like how smoothly you write and tell the story. It flows well and all details bring it together, falling into place. Grusome! My cup of tea!

always, eddy (& cat)

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I thought it about time that I write one from Killer's point of view. Anubis is the dog he found beaten and almost dead and nursed back to health. He called him Black at first, but has since changed it to Anubis. I too, am a big fan of Egyptian Mythology, I have a tattoo of Anubis on my arm. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Thanks for the information on how black was named. A tattoo of Anubis, WOW! That would make a great Avatar. I think you should post this on HS for Halloween!

always, Cat

p.s.

Have you heard from Seren (Jayne) ? I wrote to her once but got no response. If you are in touch with her, please say hello from me.

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

as soon as I figure out how to post a new avatar. LOL I am having a little difficulty in navigating the HS site. It is so different from Neo. I have heard from Janye, and she has just posted a new poem on Neo. So hop on over there and say hello yourself! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.