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I got something for you

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Wed, 2011-09-21 21:58

You should never believe everything people say
About people, but
Should take seriously everything people tell you
About a person, because
If you don't
it may and often does come back to bite you in the heart

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Last few words:

This about a family member that got what my daughter calls karma, sadly

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Comments

scribbler

Wed, 2011-09-21 22:21

Hi Barb

They say what goes around comes around but that leaves me wondering how so many a#$ h*&^% manage to prosper lol....stan

Barbara Writes

Sat, 2011-09-24 03:17

Hey Scrib

thanks for reading and sharing.
i believe though many prosper their day still come sooner or later. most times we don't not know about it.
There is an saying that is often true. A scorn woman should never be taken for granted.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2011-09-22 01:38

I liked...

the theme and the sentiment, only thing to crit, is that you should have said [does] instead of do. And yeah, how come so many a#$*&^% prosper? Hopefully this relative learned from their mistake. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Barbara Writes

Sat, 2011-09-24 03:40

Hey Gee

Thanks for reading and sharing. I change do to does.
i guess they just lucky; :)
then some people just mean, violent, and disrespectful and the only way to deal with them is let it go and do the best to be peaceable in a bad situation. In this case retaliation would only have made matters worse and more violent.
this story is twofold. my daughter call it karma because of what he tried to do her reputation came true in him and treating another so disrespectful that like a serpent she spew her venom. i hope he learned from this. if not there is a reminder that will be with him for the rest of his life.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

weirdelf

Thu, 2011-09-22 01:47

The difference between gossip

and a concerned person trying to lift the veil of ones own denial?
This is real poetry, compression of meaning.
Love the drawing power of 'but' and 'because' at the end of lines.
In the last line do you think 'do' should be 'does'?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Barbara Writes

Sat, 2011-09-24 03:44

hey Jess

thanks for reading and bringing out the point you like. it really makes me happy to know what made the poem real poetry to you

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

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I got something for you