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Flux

If I was lightning I'd burn out Sol,
And burn both retina of you all...

...To make a planet into a star;
Churning primeval consciousness
From the depths, to way out far.
Ascend, mere embers, to furnace.
Wrenching ancient fractal plains;
Fingertips blister and scar,
And heal to pain.

A fire, pure, without bias;
Like natures ‘customed trials,
Arching light made dark suffer,
Out from Asgards mountain halls.

Harmonious cacophony,
Intertwined melody,
Solar winds never rest.
Creator, Destroyer,
Dichotomous agent
At no one’s behest.

The sun sets in the east.
A Viking longboat beast,
Hidden in ripples and shimmer,
Takes to land from high seas.
Prey fight as dogs or be eaten.
Torches burn as light grows thin.

Light directed from pure energy
Through the optic omniverse,
An animal as are we,
Must contain the same burden of curse;
On our treacherous journey,
Past flesh expression of soul.
When our worldly activities cease,
We carry on through humanity.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
One of my really abstract pieces. You may understand, you may not understand, if you do understand you may be me... or I, you!
Editing stage: 

Comments

The last stanza is by far the strongest, but I enjoy your imagery throughout the piece. It is a tight poem even with some of the "easy" rhymes. I feel like ya really hit your stride mid poem. If you still plan on editing, I'd take a day or two and then take another stab at the second and third stanzas. Thanks for sharing!

.

J.A. Fisher

Well, I gave it another stab... lemme know what you think

_____________
If I had it my way I'd be up on a mountain. Playing my guitar,
until my calluses grew calluses, my arse a chair and my smile into a halo

author comment

I gave up after it took me an hour to write two lines... distractions... unwanted...
I'll be back though.

_____________
If I had it my way I'd be up on a mountain. Playing my guitar,
until my calluses grew calluses, my arse a chair and my smile into a halo

author comment
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