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RAINY DAY RAG

These discarded faded rags
Reminiscence of past struggles
Pains that once drowned me
In an ocean of nothingness

The renewed ugly condition
Brings back bitter tang of air
That once boomed in my throat
And choked my frail lungs

On a rainy day, abandoned tattered clothes
Are worn by those who discarded them

Look down O! Child of calamity
An echo from within, rocks me softly
With a little touch of amusement
As I wear the rags to clean the filth

Bitter leaf soup turns ironically sweet
The bee offers honey and a sting
Secreted bile beats the heart faster
Good can come out of a bad situation

On a rainy day, abandoned tattered clothes
Are worn by those who discarded them

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thank you for the comments. This piece came as a reflection on an old saying which is adapted as a refrain in this piece when I needed to clean a dusty room. I searched amongst my discarded rags to wear for the occasion. It brought back the days I wore the cloth to party and work.

The setting was in the village which gave the original version of the refrain the relevance and is dated back beyond my memory. A farmer wears his or her rags to arrange things in the farm blown by wind before the rain and same for a leaking thatched roof and so the saying was born. Best wishes.

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

The village has much to offer for poems and songs. Best wishes

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

Stanza 4 reminds me that I need to clean my apartment. I enjoyed the poem, but found the repetition of the third stanza unnecessary; it would and does make a simple yet wonderful conclusion for the poem. That being said, having the stanza repeat as the conclusion adds a lyrical quality to the work. The title of the poem reminds me of a White Stripes song entitled "Rag and Bone" give it a listen if ya have a chance.

.

J.A. Fisher

I am glad you like the piece and your comments are good and enriching. I gave a background scenario to Rosina's and hope it will give you a fresh insight. I made the repetition to add colour to the piece and attempt to show the way we say things here as it moves on to say something slightly different between the two divisions. I agree with you that it seems a little unnecessary, just that we like to repeat sayings like this. Thank you and best wishes.

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment
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