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Lights - splash pool poem posted on behalf of Geezer
Multi-colored streaking lights, wash across my windshield's night
Wiper shadows swishing past, keeping pace with raindrops fast
The motor purrs, and tires shussssh, through icy puddles... slush
Gosh, I guess that Autumn's come, a little cooler, dwindling sun
Geese in their high flying vees, and bright colors in the trees
Squirrels frantic in their gathering, different birds begin to sing
I see the signs of Summer's end, I feel that I have lost a friend
Oh well, it's time to go, the shitty weather tells me so
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
scribbler
Wed, 2011-09-07 17:21
Hi Geeze
Have you tried this in rhyming couplets of 4 line stanzas?............stan
Geezer
Thu, 2011-09-08 03:27
Yeah...
and it's still wishy-washy. LOL ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Geezer
Thu, 2011-09-08 03:26
You are right...
It is kinda wishey-washy. I think I'll work on it. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lou
Thu, 2011-09-08 06:08
Gee
I thought this poem was part of the splash pool workshop ?
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
scribbler
Thu, 2011-09-08 08:19
hi Geez
Don't post your rewrite until other shop members give their alternative rewrites. You might get some good ideas from them, that's what this shop is for............stan
Geezer
Fri, 2011-09-09 04:39
Yes Lou...
it is. I just forgot to post it correctly. I'm sorry.
Let me know when to post the re-write. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.