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To the Girl in the Gallery (with vid)

I want to take you to the centre of the thousand little statues
and make love above their watching eyes.
I want to take you round the gallery,
show me your feelings,
and I'll show you mine.
I want to take you to my dingy room
and make love on the floor,
under the naked globe.
I want to take you.
I want to ask you your name.
I want to take you to my friends
and see you shy or sparkling.
I want you to take me to your friends
and see you proud or shamed.
I want to love you and teach you and feed on you.
I want you to love me and want me and stay with me.
I want you to use me and tire of me.
I want to hold on silently pleading,
knowing not knowing its all over.
I want you to hurt me and leave me and come back
and hurt me and leave me and come back
and hurt me and leave me and come back
until you are finally really gone.
I want to hurt and cry
and want to die.
Then I want to go to the gallery, again.

(It's not critical to the work but the piece referred to is Antony Gormley' piece "Field", with thousands of tiny statues arranged concentrically to a centre viewpoint
https://www.artgallery.nsw.gov.au/collection/works/314.1993/ )

Video: https://youtu.be/_0ddGNdJ4-M

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

very interesting. I like the images presented and the thought that went into it. This seems "from the heart", which is not always a bad thing, despite what some say. I must confess that I was intriqued by your honesty in the development of your approach. Nice touch with the line; "and hurt me and leave me and come back. At first I thought it a mistake that it was twinned, but then realised that it was intentional for the emphasis. Good work! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

you bastard! Only useless poets claim to write from the heart. We all do!
Some just learn to write and do it better than others.

I won't name the utterly useless poets that refuse to learn their craft by claiming to to "write from the heart".
Wish I could, but it would probably get me suspended again.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

author comment

This reminds me of the thoughts that go through a shy teenagers mind when he catches sight of a pretty girl. A few of the lines run a bit long but sometimes it takes a long line to convey intent. Not bad for a free verse love poem lol..........stan

I have no idea why this took me back to 19 and all the related adventures of that time! I relate to it as the protagonist, the girl, whichever, both! I loved it. Perhaps I'll wait in the gallery for your next visit! ;)
Cheers
Boni

Bonitaj

But in Australia!

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

author comment

I'm not getting the gallery. For me this fine poem should begin with

I want to take you to my dingy room
and make love on the floor,
under the naked globe.

and end with

I want to hurt and cry
and want to die.
Then I want to go to my dingy room, again.

The gallery of statues (little?) immediately reminds me of the one in China for Qin Shi Huang, the terracotta gallery of soldiers, and not for me a very strong image for romance. But starting with the room and the following Andre Breton list of ideas (see "free union") builds real nicely and keeps me engaged. Both sexy and fun. Nice work!
..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

with thousands of tiny statues arranged concentrically to a centre viewpoint
https://www.artgallery.nsw.gov.au/collection/works/314.1993/

So it's not just the pseudo-voyeuristic aspect, the gallery is a place where you can, rarely, meet people.
You don't meet people in your dingy room.
Get it?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

author comment

but of course, as a reader, i could not know what you were referring to.
I did not sense where you met this person is at the gallery or your room. where you met is not important. The poem to me Is about this: now that you have met, this is what you would like to happen, and like to do. My suggestion does not suggest you met in the room, just that you want to go there and make love on the floor under the bare light bulb. A great place to start, a great image. The whole sculpture thing to me is just a distraction.
..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

It doesn't matter much if you get the specific sculptural reference, it matters that I met somone somewhere and went back again to repeat the whole cycle.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

author comment

You have profoundly exposed the feelings of what it means to be human knowing the need for intimate cycles of the personal, love, loss, and the pain which can be so overwhelming that death becomes appealing. Even after all of that, the courageous among us will do it all over again.

Respectfully,

I'm starting to suspect you like my work. [grins]

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

author comment
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