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Death Wish
Bury me
beneath the apple tree
I grew from seed.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
comma or not to comma at end of second line?!!!
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Sun, 2011-09-04 07:03
Beki
that's splendid and thoughtful as well..we all are a progeny of Adam n Eve aren't we?...
raj (sublime_ocean)
faerybeki
Sun, 2011-09-04 17:26
Raj, interesting comment,
Raj, interesting comment, thank you, I hadn't even thought the Adam and Eve thing, guess the apple tree brings them in eh? I love how the reader brings new meaning to a poem :) thanks again, much love Beki xxx
'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)
faerybeki
Sun, 2011-09-04 17:28
Thank you and your
Thank you and your grandfather too :) tis my pleasure to share, much love Beki xx
'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)
Geezer
Sun, 2011-09-04 16:34
I felt...
this was an excellent Haiku for the uninitiated. The thoughts were separated, yet fused together in meaning. Good work. ~ Gee
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faerybeki
Sun, 2011-09-04 17:30
Thank you Gee :) much love
Thank you Gee :) much love Beki xxx
'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)
scribbler
Sun, 2011-09-04 18:32
Hello
After wearing my eyes out reading this epic, I'd have to suggest a period at end of second line lol. Some say more in 3 lines than I can fit into 3 stanzas...........stan
faerybeki
Tue, 2011-09-27 18:53
:)) Stan, you make me smile,
:)) Stan, you make me smile, thank you. A period eh? not a comma? still not sure if it does need something there or not.... lots of love xxx
'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-09-05 06:24
my sentiments exactly
I do love very short poems that say so much.
I want no coffin, just to be buried in the earth and a tree planted on top.
Since there isn't such a tree as a poetry tree I guess any tree will do.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
faerybeki
Tue, 2011-09-27 18:55
thanks Jess, perhaps all
thanks Jess, perhaps all trees are poetry trees? :) when we're hugging trees I always tell my daughter to listen with her heart and she tells me what the tree says :) sheer poetry. lots of love xxx
'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)