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My Soul Will Fly ( Splash Pool Submission)
My soul will ascend
Three tiers
To become one with the world
On winged angels
We will meet
In learning
The truth
Of our ways
The world once known
Will pass on
All that is left
Is the mysticism
Unknown
Together we will
Find
A better
life
Last few words:
SPLASH POOL SUBMISSION
Editing stage:
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North Carolina
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Edgar Allen Poe, James Patterson, Dean Koontz, Leonard Cohen
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Comments
raj
Fri, 2011-09-02 15:18
Chrys
the poem is fine but since Rhia has said it is not in tune with what he meant to communicate..you may want to re-visit his poem ..re-read it and also scroll through the comments...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rhiannon1010
Fri, 2011-09-02 13:31
Rewrite
i love it! i don't really see my poem in it, but i get a feel of LIVING MOONLIGHT! great job
scribbler
Fri, 2011-09-02 20:48
hi chrys
Hmm....How does one meet on winged angels? Also the 3rd stanza abruptly changes from future to present tense and could use a bit of transitional smoothing in my humble opinion..........stan
raj
Sat, 2011-09-03 16:19
Chrys
we will need to wait for Rhia to confirm if your perception of his poem as expressed in this write is right...however it is a wonderful flowing write and i loved the way you have expressed the mysticism about the Moon...i hope your perception in this re-write of Rhia's poem is right
(please confirm if i have to click on the "N/A " below "Workshop Critique" to make this comment a valid workshop critique/comment)
raj (sublime_ocean)
lou
Fri, 2011-09-02 23:03
Hi
You seem to have caught the essence of the poem, in my view.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
scribbler
Sat, 2011-09-03 19:05
hi
It always amazes me the many different ways a poem is perceived by different people..........stan
Rhiannon1010
Sun, 2011-09-04 10:21
Much better
Though it is much the same, it is soooooo different, like a famous painting caught in a different light, you really caught the subjest this time. I love it.