I remember the first time
My parents took me to school
I wore an oversized white shirt
Tucked into a large brown khaki shorts
With braces hanging on my shoulders
I stood in the middle of the class
With a black slate and chalk in hand
Like a fish out of water, quivering
The sight of the teacher with a cane
Made me afraid and I cried

I remember the first time
In a Sunday school class
The preacher spoke so eloquently
With claims of divine authority
My bladder was full and nearly burst
I looked the preacher in the eye;
There, he was a god. I dare not speak a word.
Unable to bear the mounting pressure,
I cried and pissed right into my pants.
My urine messed up the floor
And made my day a misery

Do you remember your very first time?
At school and in your Sunday class?
Did you cry and mess up the holy floor too?
Looking back in years, I resolved
To face ‘every-first-time’ with joy
It could be a thrilling adventure
When you are in full control
No teacher or preacher will make me cry again
Knowing fully well as I do now
That the path to self enlightenment lies not
In the other man but in me alone