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a normal day

ground began to shake
gale force wind picked up

trees snapped
roofs came off
hail fell size of baseballs

birds flew south early
street lights wouldn't work
a beautiful darkness came down
gaping holes opened in the ground
out of which fires belched flame
orange glow was first light that night

there was a flood
river that flows through town was ten feet out of its banks
bedroom mattress floated into the living room

gas mains blew
windows broke

I had a hangnail, but I felt fine

boat loaded with a picnic dinner
we floated downstream -- looked for a dry place to eat
flotsam floated passed us
torrent was fun to maneuver

from our picnic spot we watched water take
the town;

I silently cheered when a building fell --
it was a bank.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 

Comments

Jayne,my dear,

Conflicting emotions -- maybe/probably. The gum tree shade sounds delicious.

Thank you.

Love,

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

author comment

There is a surreal feel about this write... almost dream like, where most awful hapenings are watched and described by the narrator almost like he is watching it on TV.

To me this had the feel of Bob Dylan's "Black Diamond Bay" in which he tells the story of an island where a volcanic eruption occurs and everyone is killed in the middle of their sordid lives. He ends the very graphic description of death and destruction very much as you have here... from a far-off and detatched vantage point:

(I quote from memory... so this may not be ENTIRELY accurate...)

" I was sittin home alone one night
In L.A. watchin old Kronkite
On the 7 o clock news
Seems there was an earthquake that
Left nothin but a panama hat
And a pair of old greek shoes
Didn't seem like nothin' much was happenin'
So I turned it off and went to grab another beer
Seems like evetytime you turn around
There's another hard luck story that youre gonna hear
And there's really nothin anyone can say
And I never did plan to go anyway
To the Black Diamond Bay"

I enjoyed your poem because it gave me a similar feeling.

Psyve

Psyve,

I really don't know where this one came from, unless it was about the bank that collapsed which is the last line.

I know the Dylan song well:

Music by Bob Dylan, Words by Bob Dylan and Jacques Levy
1975,1976 Ram's Horn Music

Up on the white veranda
She wears a necktie and a Panama hat.
Her passport shows a face
From another time and place
She looks nothin' like that.
And all the remnants of her recent past
Are scattered in the wild wind.
She walks across the marble floor
Where a voice from the gambling room is callin' her to come on in.
She smiles, walks the other way
As the last ship sails and the moon fades away
From Black Diamond Bay.

As the mornin' light breaks open, the Greek comes down
And he asks for a rope and a pen that will write.
"Pardon, monsieur," the desk clerk says,
Carefully removes his fez,
"Am I hearin' you right?"
And as the yellow fog is liftin'
The Greek is quickly headin' for the second floor.
She passes him on the spiral staircase
Thinkin' he's the Soviet Ambassador,
She starts to speak, but he walks away
As the storm clouds rise and the palm branches sway
On Black Diamond Bay.

A soldier sits beneath the fan
Doin' business with a tiny man who sells him a ring.
Lightning strikes, the lights blow out.
The desk clerk wakes and begins to shout,
"Can you see anything?"
Then the Greek appears on the second floor
In his bare feet with a rope around his neck,
While a loser in the gambling room lights up a candle,
Says, "Open up another deck."
But the dealer says, "Attendez-vous, s'il vous plalt,''
As the rain beats down and the cranes fly away
From Black Diamond Bay.

The desk clerk heard the woman laugh
As he looked around the aftermath and the soldier got tough.
He tried to grab the woman's hand,
Said, "Here's a ring, it cost a grand."
She said, "That ain't enough."
Then she ran upstairs to pack her bags
While a horse-drawn taxi waited at the curb.
She passed the door that the Greek had locked,
Where a handwritten sign read, "Do Not Disturb."
She knocked upon it anyway
As the sun went down and the music did play
On Black Diamond Bay.

"I've got to talk to someone quick!"
But the Greek said, "Go away," and he kicked the chair to the floor.
He hung there from the chandelier.
She cried, "Help, there's danger near
Please open up the door!"
Then the volcano erupted
And the lava flowed down from the mountain high above.
The soldier and the tiny man were crouched in the corner
Thinking of forbidden love.
But the desk clerk said, "It happens every day,"
As the stars fell down and the fields burned away
On Black Diamond Bay.

As the island slowly sank
The loser finally broke the bank in the gambling room.
The dealer said, "It's too late now.
You can take your money, but I don't know how
You'll spend it in the tomb."
The tiny man bit the soldier's ear
As the floor caved in and the boiler in the basement blew,
While she's out on the balcony, where a stranger tells her,
"My darling, je vous aime beaucoup."
She sheds a tear and then begins to pray
As the fire burns on and the smoke drifts away
From Black Diamond Bay.

I was sittin' home alone one night in L.A.,
Watchin' old Cronkite on the seven o'clock news.
It seems there was an earthquake that
Left nothin' but a Panama hat
And a pair of old Greek shoes.
Didn't seem like much was happenin',
So I turned it off and went to grab another beer.
Seems like every time you turn around
There's another hard-luck story that you're gonna hear
And there's really nothin' anyone can say
And I never did plan to go anyway
To Black Diamond Bay.

I am glad you are a Dylan fan as well. He is definitely one of my favourites!!

Thanks,

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

author comment

Guess I've been a bit of a Dylan fan since the early 70's.

While I was a young university student back then, I "paid my dues" and played and sang a lot of Dylan ( along with a lot of Leonard Cohen, Don Maclean, Cat Stevens, CSNY, Neil Young, the Who, etc)

That said, today, the album "Desire", from which this song is taken, is probably the only album of Dylan's that I would be able to listen to at a stretch, end to end. Today I find I need to take Dylan in small doses. Beyond a point, something about his stylised form of delivery grates on my sensibilities....

I remember also being very put off by his book of poems which I read in 1980: "Tarantula". It made no sense whatsoever to me then, and I felt like he was quietly having a laugh at all the critics who claimed they thought it was BRILLIANT... reminiscent of the Emperor's new Clothes.

Sacrilage?!

Psyve

Whereas, Leonard Cohen.... I could listen to an entire album of his and thirst for more.

Psyve,

When I was 14 I was going to high school with the person who later became the drummer for a band called "Little Feet". His name is Richard Hayward. He turned me onto Dylan then, and I have been listening to him for almost 50 years. I like Leonard too, but Bob is my favourite.

Ciao,

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

author comment

Victor!

What a poem to stir the ashes lying dormant with frustration & anger. Seems to me all the false prophets (!!) are doomed.

From my vantage point i think the only thing that bears vigilance is your hangnail, how's it healing? lol

~A

Anna,

I just threw the hang nail in for fun -- to add to the ridiculousness of this piece. I cannot deny that I had fun with it.

Thanks,

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

author comment

absolutely loved it!!! Easy to read, not full of wordiness, it flows well.... it's a good poem, one of the best I've read on neopoet!!!! Kudos.....Mark

I

Ed,

Glad you liked it!!!

Thank you much.

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

author comment

It's awesome.................

I

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