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NOVEMBER ’57 – MARCH ’80

 
NOVEMBER ’57 – MARCH ’80
 
 

She has a cancer in her brain,

And it’s driving her insane
Slowly, day by day, by day by day, by day by day... she says…
 

She tells me that she’s dying:

She has this cancer in her mind
Which her doctors cannot find…
 
She has no eyes, no tears to weep:
Her cancers run too deep-
She’s so tired, she cannot sleep…
 

She told me she was dying:

She had this cancer in her mind
That her doctors could not find…
 
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
If you'd like to hear the sung version of this lyric, you can do so by clicking on the link immediately below the body of the poem.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Sigh. Go ahead, drive me insane with your music.

Clueless me.

~A

Glad you liked this one... Thank you for listening.
Psyve

author comment

There is.

But this song isn't about the physical desease, though most people believe it is. Rather, it is about something else that was gnawing away at this person's mind....leaving her physically and emotionally drained.
She said it was killing her and she had no idea how to get release from her suffering.

....Her Cancers run too deep

She's so tired, she cannot sleep...

Thank you for stopping by to read and comment.

Psyve

author comment

I've known that cancer many times before. It runs so deep as to rob me of my sleep until I take it upon myself to take the power back. Very deep, I like this write!

always, cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I am sorry you seem to have known that pain first hand.
Glad, though, that you liked this write.
Psyve

author comment

Psyve,

I liked the way you've set the reader/listener off in one direction with the Cancer being the illness, where in fact it is more disturbing and is more of an illness eating her up inside...a madness.

I listened to the vocal version and I really liked the repetitive last line of stanza one and the stretched out 'sleep' in stanza three. I wonder how it would sound if you repeated or stretched out the last lines from stanza's two and four?

Great song, great vulnerable voice as I have come to expect from you.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

Thanks for reading this and for taking the time to listen to its sung version.

Am pleased you liked it.

The repetition of the "day by day by day by day...." in verse 1 was intended to emphasize her dying a little bit... day by day.

I liked the irony of: "She's so tired, she cannot sleep" which at the same time expressed how emotionally drained and exhausted she was yet sleep eluded her.

Thank you for your very kind words on my vocals on this one.

Psyve

author comment

Cancer is a scary 6 letter word. A sad write but very good one

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Thank you for stopping by to read and comment. As I have mentioned earlier though, this one wasn't about the physical disease..

P

author comment
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