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if despair had a name

Submitted by CCfire on Wed, 2011-07-20 03:06

if he brings a midnight poem he's written
will i let him read it
will we read it a few times
out loud, as we have in the past
and if he shoots like a rocket
into the forest, igniting the fire
as he has in the past
will i want to see him again

because his voice
lifts the gray from flowers
because he says i swell and
break the silence within him

i have carried him
sleep-quiet and placed his
broken body in the arms of aphrodite
to let the shadows fall away
so i could see his heart
resembled mine

yet i want to ask him
when will i know enough
to stand still

to find our truth, love
and all the nonsensical things
before it's lost
in the maelstrom of consequence

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

raj

Wed, 2011-07-20 23:42

i loved the feeling of despair expressed so very vividly in this write...

do you thing "i have cradled him" would read better?..just a wee bit of suggestion...

raj (sublime_ocean)

CCfire

Thu, 2011-07-21 00:20

CCfire's picture

Thanks Raj but it's carried and placed him so cradled would mean I never put him down lol..

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

raj

Thu, 2011-07-21 14:26

Yeah...you are right about it. Chez..

raj (sublime_ocean)

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