Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Meat (Re-written)
Meat
He expects her not to feel,
believes that she is simply humanoid.
Shock fills his eyes,
When reality emerges from his dilusion.
She is the sum of childhood vulnerabilities
an amalgamation of experiences.
Has the ability to love unconditionally,
even has a brain.
He is able to separate heart from his groin
In the pursuit of an erection.
Disengage intellect and feeling,
To receive satisfaction.
She must disabuse him of his misunderstanding,
relieve him of the confusion.
She is more than muscle, bone, and meat,
for his delectation.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
lou
Mon, 2011-04-04 02:48
Shirl
I like the title not sure about the poem.
Thank you for reading.
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
magics02
Sun, 2011-04-03 14:06
Love the feeling
Lou this is really good and kind of like I feel right about now with pain of body
this part standing out for me here:
Let me disabuse you of your misunderstanding,
relieve your confusion.
I’m not a piece of meat.
I like the choice of words..Let me disabuse you of your misunderstandings. etc
Great write nothing to correct or crit. Just good work here
I am glad you did not say Meatballs LMAO
Regards
Mona
xox
lou
Mon, 2011-04-04 02:49
Mona
Thank you no balls I'm a girl lmao
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Mon, 2011-04-04 10:22
Jayne
Thanks,
I've taken a look at the last line, what do you think?
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
hobo
Mon, 2011-04-04 10:06
this is
This is a very hard stand. nice work
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
lou
Mon, 2011-04-04 10:24
Randy
Thank you, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
ziggy
Mon, 2011-04-04 16:47
hi louise
a strong write here, what brought these thoughts
to the page, interesting write ,,,,,,,,zigs
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
lou
Mon, 2011-04-04 17:12
Zigs
This one was inspired by a boy friend's attitude. Makes me feel like I shouldn't have feelings.
Glad you enjoyed it.
Louise Xx
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Race_9togo
Mon, 2011-04-04 17:23
Hi Lou
It never ceases to amaze me, that even in the 21st centruy our species is still filled with idiots who think other souls are nothing more than playthings and tools.
This is a good write, powerful and filled with a certain dignity that I really like a lot. I enjoy the way you have encapulated the whole thing in one single breath, and then seem to begin another for the last verse, that's quite unique, To me.
I agree with Jayne; I like what you've done with the last stanza, but using "I am" instead of the contraction would give it way more impact.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
lou
Tue, 2011-04-05 10:21
Jim
thank you for reading and your suggestion, I have made a few changes, I think it works a little better now.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
scribbler
Tue, 2011-04-05 06:51
hello
you have captured the essence of how it must feel to be considered a mere sex object...................stan
lou
Tue, 2011-04-05 10:22
Hi
Stan i'm really glad that you think so.
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Bonitaj
Wed, 2011-07-13 11:07
Lou!
I could tell it was a cathartic write! Liked the layout and how you've juxtaposed the different HE/SHE verses for effect. Unlike Mona, I didn't particularly like the choice of the word 'disabuse'
Just seemed too contrived and therein lost some of the strength of the message!
As for the rest... Keep 'em coming!
Cheers
Boni
Bonitaj
lou
Wed, 2011-07-13 11:56
Boni
I have never been comfortable with the word disabuse,i will give it some thought.
Thank you
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Wed, 2011-07-13 11:58
Ian
Thank you for the read, as I said to Boni, I'll give it some thought
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!