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Hell

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Wed, 2011-07-06 23:55

There reside many that live
In cold, dark, and dampness
Beneath the earth
Thus the eerie crawlers of the land

There’s a final domicile
Of countless departed
Asleep in amity
Thus the precious ones pending life

Hell is not to fear
A shared grave of folks
Where all are laid
Before the resurrection

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2011-07-07 01:05

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idea of Hell, but what do I know? I think I got the gist of the poem, but you don't make it clear, I think maybe that you have confused Limbo and Hell, although not knowing which way you are going, could be Hell. ~ Gee

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Barbara Writes

Thu, 2011-07-07 01:19

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i appreciate your comment and do under the confusion. I didn't want my idea of hell to be obvious in this poem.
but i did wanted to see how the reader would interpret it. therefore i see your interpretation is that of Limbo.
it not a right or wrong view just a view.

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Barbara Writes

Thu, 2011-07-07 23:40

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thanks i appreciate you bringing this to my attention. i have edited it and hope it sound much better

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loved

Thu, 2011-07-07 22:47

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and heaven below
your poem depicts it otherwise
why is it so????

loved

Barbara Writes

Thu, 2011-07-07 23:51

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i have heard hell describe in different ways, but never that way

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loved

Fri, 2011-07-08 00:18

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three ceees and 21 jun thanks

loved

weirdelf

Fri, 2011-07-08 03:39

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You don't give reasons and the final stanza is a cop-out, based on religion.

I would like to here you talk of self-made hells in the real world without religious contations, which detract from it's real, human existential power.

cheers,
Jess
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Barbara Writes

Fri, 2011-07-08 09:54

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your comment is always welcome.give me a idea of your self made hell. then i will write one relating to me

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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