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Drops of Compulsion
Faded circles of bourbon stains
dot her weathered nightstand’s surface
like stars speckle the midnight sky.
Each remnant commemorates her
quest for sleep, a prop of courage
consumed to help forge another day.
Bras, slips, heels and flats
pepper the carpet
reflections of impediments
that fleck her soul.
Harbored distortions from her past
forgiven by those who know her
forgotten by others
festers in her frontal lobe.
Rain pelts her window
rat-tat, rat-tats against the panes
bangs her door with a compulsion
to fling open her mind
and let today’s downpour
splash away each trace of her anguish.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Kailashana2
Wed, 2011-06-29 11:56
I like this poem except for
I like this poem except for the pus/acne line....the poem is too elegant. It would be enough to end with fester in her mind. Let our minds fill in the blank...
~A
vexations10
Wed, 2011-06-29 17:45
Your comment
is appreciated and perhaps you are right. I’ll think is over. Thanks
vexations
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2011-06-29 18:10
How about...
I like the simplicity of just festers in her mind. You made this poem describe a scene very vividly, and I can relate to it. My father was an alcoholic, and it sounds very familiar. Great descriptive lines! ~ Gee
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vexations10
Fri, 2011-07-01 16:14
Thanks
I’ve taken another shot at it.
vexations
author commentscribbler
Fri, 2011-07-01 21:32
hi vex
For some reason while reading this Sinatra's song "my way" came to mind. Spotted one typo :either distortions fester or distortion festers. Also in line 3, comparing cup rings to stars seemed a little off to me.Maybe like halos around the midnight moon? Very vivid descriptive poem..............stan
vexations10
Sat, 2011-07-02 09:40
Danger
of edits. I changed the line about the fester without changing the previous line. Thanks....Enjoy the 4th, looks like it is going to be hot as hades.
vexations
author commentvexations10
Mon, 2011-07-04 17:19
My God
Lonnie, thanks for the positive....
vexations
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