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What Are We

What Are We?

We all are angels
of our own breed,
Akin to apparitions
of human seed

Upon wings of angels
we seem to fly

And

With

And
Into eternity unknown
we all perish

So whilst we live
Life,
We ought to
cherish

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 

Comments

You marked this as "rough draft", so I will allow myself the luxury of a question or two.
I like the first stanza in which you seem to place "human aspirations" on a par with The Angels. I don't care for the next line as it is simply too cliche. Don't misunderstand me, I have no objection to cliche being used in poetry. I make use of it all the time, but the crux of that is in my statement- "I make USE of it." In other words, if I am willing to place a cliche in the poem, I want it there BECAUSE it is a cliche. I want to reference it as a cliche and further my poem's point by the use of a cliche. I hope that makes sense.
Could you, perhaps, explain to me the disjointed "And"..."With". They seem not to lead anywhere. What am I missing?
I'll take a moment now to congratulate you on the use of "whilst". Too many complain about euphemisms like this as being "old" and "outdated" when in reality they are nothing more than contractions not used as commonly as "that's" or "I'll" and have nothing to do whatsoever with what we refer to as "Old English". A beautiful language that has very little about it that resembles "Modern English". So,
Bravo.
The ending is composed with the right words, but missing something. "So whilst we live Life, we ought to cherish..." is an incomplete sentence. Could we find a way to turn it back to "Life" which is, of course, what we ought to cherish?
I'm anxious to hear other comments on the poem and to see your next draft. It's always a delight (for me) to see the poet's mind at work.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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So whilst we live
Life,we ought to
cherish

this is and was, in my original poem, changed but by a quirk of senility. thanks you help me revert.

one of the two and's
is superfluous, which one i can't make out.

about the cliche kind... i am at a total loss ,my comprehension with all its limitaions.How would you put it, include it, replace it, or exclude, it ....

Do apply your expertise which will help me immensely in future guffaws ...like this one.

loved

author comment

So whilst we live
Life,we ought to
cherish

this is and was, in my original poem, changed but by a quirk of senility. thanks you help me revert.

one of the two and's
is superfluous, which one i can't make out.

about the cliche kind... i am at a total loss ,my comprehension with all its limitaions.How would you put it, include it, replace it, or exclude, it ....

Do apply your expertise which will help me immensely in future guffaws ...like this one.

loved

author comment

So whilst we live
Life,we ought to
cherish

this is and was, in my original poem, changed but by a quirk of senility. thanks you help me revert.

one of the two and's
is superfluous, which one i can't make out.

about the cliche kind... i am at a total loss ,my comprehension with all its limitaions.How would you put it, include it, replace it, or exclude, it ....

Do apply your expertise which will help me immensely in future guffaws ...like this one.

loved

author comment
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