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here the tears flow

somewhere between
fear and trepidation

across pages of words
left for another to read

beyond the memories
of moments held in photos

yet still I need

the days
to complete the lists

the nights
to celebrate life

and easy breaths
to fit it all in

.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Nice poem I like the title a lot and it flowed well. Come join us in the splash pool you will enjoy the experience. And benefit from the freshing splashes of poetic knowledge we all enjoy here

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

thank you for the comment. I'll check out the splash pool during the week when I have a little more time.

~Juls~

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda

author comment

I like your poetry! Succinct, full of meaning and easy to read.

Waited until another poem was posted before I commented. All too often first poems are the best poems and the poetry goes downhill after that. Not in your case.

Welcome aboard Jules. What IS in that fucking Aussie water, anyway?????????????????

~A

together we'll find 50 reasons
to leave your lover and
51 seasons to write a poem

what god hath put together
let no man pull asunder
it's the word
that shines like jewels

;-)

enjoyed the poem in your comment :)
the water is clean and clear in the land down under.

~Juls~

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda

author comment

i liked the unique style of your expressing a forlorn mood...

you may want to remove "still" from "yet still i need"...

raj (sublime_ocean)

thanks for reading & your comment :)

~Juls~

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda

author comment

glad that my few words left their mark

~Juls~

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda

author comment
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