Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
here the tears flow
somewhere between
fear and trepidation
across pages of words
left for another to read
beyond the memories
of moments held in photos
yet still I need
the days
to complete the lists
the nights
to celebrate life
and easy breaths
to fit it all in
.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2011-06-21 10:37
Hi 49reasons
Nice poem I like the title a lot and it flowed well. Come join us in the splash pool you will enjoy the experience. And benefit from the freshing splashes of poetic knowledge we all enjoy here
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
49reasons
Sat, 2011-06-25 23:10
Hi Barbara
thank you for the comment. I'll check out the splash pool during the week when I have a little more time.
~Juls~
"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda
Kailashana2
Tue, 2011-06-21 10:44
I like your poetry! Succinct
I like your poetry! Succinct, full of meaning and easy to read.
Waited until another poem was posted before I commented. All too often first poems are the best poems and the poetry goes downhill after that. Not in your case.
Welcome aboard Jules. What IS in that fucking Aussie water, anyway?????????????????
~A
together we'll find 50 reasons
to leave your lover and
51 seasons to write a poem
what god hath put together
let no man pull asunder
it's the word
that shines like jewels
;-)
49reasons
Sat, 2011-06-25 23:13
Hi
enjoyed the poem in your comment :)
the water is clean and clear in the land down under.
~Juls~
"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda
raj
Tue, 2011-06-21 14:49
i liked the unique style of
i liked the unique style of your expressing a forlorn mood...
you may want to remove "still" from "yet still i need"...
raj (sublime_ocean)
49reasons
Mon, 2011-06-27 19:07
Hi raj
thanks for reading & your comment :)
~Juls~
"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda
49reasons
Mon, 2011-06-27 19:08
Thank you Lonnie
glad that my few words left their mark
~Juls~
"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda