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Face It
a face
your face
not just a physical structure
hard set by boney beams
but a response to life
self customizing
moment to moment
you are a drama queen
a quick change artist
in wide screen
"now showing"
a nuanced teleplay of you
read and reviewed easily
by even the new illiterate chic
no private pages
no blindfolded lines
no redacting masks
that aren't revealing
in and of themselves
you can't hide
I see who you are
your face knows
your face shows
yet, you keep on trying
denying
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Pamela A. Lamppa
Thu, 2011-06-16 20:11
Humans are such a quirky species
Well, indeed you are going to tell it like you see it and that’s that!
I loved the use of internal rhyme in this poem and the well placed line breaks. One might consider eliminating the last line. It doesn’t seem necessary because “you” see it pretty clearly throughout your poem and it almost feels like an insult at the end. I don’t know if that is necessary or not. I didn’t think so, but others may.
Technically:
“illiterati” Did you mean to have it read that way or did you mean “illiterate?”
“blinfolded” should be “blindfolded”
All in all, this is an interesting poem that leads me to wonder of the inspiration that led to writing this piece. Humans are such a quirky species – yes? ~Pamela
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brittle light
Thu, 2011-06-16 17:52
quirky, Yes we are! I do
quirky, Yes we are! I do think,upon editing, I will leave out the last line. It is a little "over kill"
"illiterati" I intended...a play a on word...I think changing it to "illiterate" reads better, so I'll probably change that too.
I suppose this piece could be about all types of communications; i.e. body language, eye contact, voice inflections etc.
and me flaunting my abilities at picking up on these devices people use to prevaricate, or lie. No particular person or event inspired this piece...just me bragging, showing off (though I'm probably not as good at reading people as this may imply).
thanks for taking an interest and the time to critique. I appreciate it
respectfully
Al
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