Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

meditation

it is morning
the night not yet
ascended

in the ocean
whale song
and the river
breathes

there is madness
and survival
death and Afghanistan

I meditate on these things,
life turns over another
page

Love,
You are here with me

the peonies burst with flame.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0gC4SH1Bqk

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thanks dear for your suggestions and reading, but this poem stays as is.

The whale song reverberates, it's a given that whales singing is the cause.

I spoke of 4 separate things in stanza 3.... madness. survival. death and Afghanistan

I rarely use connecting words in the last sentence such as as. ;-) They stand on their own.

All is well in Oz this morning (for me)?

~

author comment

Wellllll....missy!

You might have given me suggestions that I *would have used*....lol.

Hugs,
~

author comment

I do not think I have ever seen you make a change to a poem based on feedback. That should make make you my automatic enemy on Neopoet.

You are an arrogant bitch, but a fucking good arrogant bitch. Nee, a lioness.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Hahaha. Just because you haven't seen it, doesn't mean I haven't changed a poem, (as a matter of fact, more than a few poems based on critiques. However, sometimes I admit to deliberating, or sleeping on it.

;-)

Meow.

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.mitchell.derbycounty.co.u...

~A

author comment

I meditate on these things,
life turns over another
page

Another occasion
for a fresh meditation
life churns
and turns
to return

loved

Sometimes, Loved, the pain of it all is unbearable and death is a welcome friend, so as not to add even one more drop to it.

~A

author comment

panacea

fighting for ones right
in this one and only life
gives more pleasure

death is exhaustion
extinction
like eusthania

loved

Indeed. the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. ;-) I often think, that we are immortal beings and we have programmed ourselves for death until we get the *living* part right.

What do you think?

~A

author comment

To think
then i will say

Engineered

Heredity
or over ruling
all in its entirety

we live but one life
singularly
so let me be
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
INDIVIDUALLY
HOPEFULLY
AND
WILFULLY

loved

and loved. Intrigued.
I re-read the poem.
Ah! yes, I see you both more clearly.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.