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meditation
it is morning
the night not yet
ascended
in the ocean
whale song
and the river
breathes
there is madness
and survival
death and Afghanistan
I meditate on these things,
life turns over another
page
Love,
You are here with me
the peonies burst with flame.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Kailashana2
Thu, 2011-06-16 08:18
Thanks dear for your
Thanks dear for your suggestions and reading, but this poem stays as is.
The whale song reverberates, it's a given that whales singing is the cause.
I spoke of 4 separate things in stanza 3.... madness. survival. death and Afghanistan
I rarely use connecting words in the last sentence such as as. ;-) They stand on their own.
All is well in Oz this morning (for me)?
~
Kailashana2
Thu, 2011-06-16 08:19
Wellllll....missy!
Wellllll....missy!
You might have given me suggestions that I *would have used*....lol.
Hugs,
~
weirdelf
Thu, 2011-06-16 10:40
oh Anna!
I do not think I have ever seen you make a change to a poem based on feedback. That should make make you my automatic enemy on Neopoet.
You are an arrogant bitch, but a fucking good arrogant bitch. Nee, a lioness.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Kailashana2
Thu, 2011-06-16 11:14
Hahaha. Just because you
Hahaha. Just because you haven't seen it, doesn't mean I haven't changed a poem, (as a matter of fact, more than a few poems based on critiques. However, sometimes I admit to deliberating, or sleeping on it.
;-)
Meow.
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.mitchell.derbycounty.co.u...
~A
loved
Thu, 2011-06-16 08:57
LOVELY FINALE FOR A MEDITATION
I meditate on these things,
life turns over another
page
Another occasion
for a fresh meditation
life churns
and turns
to return
loved
Kailashana2
Thu, 2011-06-16 09:12
Sometimes, Loved, the pain of
Sometimes, Loved, the pain of it all is unbearable and death is a welcome friend, so as not to add even one more drop to it.
~A
loved
Thu, 2011-06-16 09:25
death is no
panacea
fighting for ones right
in this one and only life
gives more pleasure
death is exhaustion
extinction
like eusthania
loved
Kailashana2
Thu, 2011-06-16 09:35
Indeed. the spirit is
Indeed. the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. ;-) I often think, that we are immortal beings and we have programmed ourselves for death until we get the *living* part right.
What do you think?
~A
loved
Thu, 2011-06-16 10:57
GIVE ME TIME
To think
then i will say
Engineered
Heredity
or over ruling
all in its entirety
we live but one life
singularly
so let me be
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
INDIVIDUALLY
HOPEFULLY
AND
WILFULLY
loved
weirdelf
Thu, 2011-06-16 22:18
I pose as the flaneur, in this conversation between you
and loved. Intrigued.
I re-read the poem.
Ah! yes, I see you both more clearly.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry