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~of sun & spirits
in echoes of faraway silence
in naked stones and sassafras root
and the prick of thistles
it lingers
like the white cries of
Cree spirits to the lumbering Milk River
and an angry sun
on its bruised cornflower canvas of sky
stares at the sad faces of painted pansies
through slanting shafts of grey
wishing
to wash over the dancing dust
of billowing prairie grasses
to softly shower away
the quiet
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
scribbler
Wed, 2011-06-08 19:28
A very big welcome!
I really enjoyed the cohesion and visuals in this poem..............scribbler
Ink Artist
Thu, 2011-06-09 08:39
thank you kindly, scribbler.
thank you kindly, scribbler. so nice to meet you! :)
"I am the lonely soul of a waterfall."
CCfire
Thu, 2011-06-09 04:39
Yay for Lori :)
I am so glad you found your way here, hope you will stay around. Your poetry is always something I've enjoyed so much and this is no different, it's a joy to see it and hopefully you will get a great following here. :) xx
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Ink Artist
Thu, 2011-06-09 08:41
thanks chez, for telling me
thanks chez, for telling me about neopoet. i think i will feel right at home here.
"I am the lonely soul of a waterfall."
Kailashana2
Thu, 2011-06-09 06:27
Niiiice.
Niiiice.
Welcome to our lodge.
~A
Ink Artist
Thu, 2011-06-09 08:42
thank you so much for your
thank you so much for your read and comment. nice to meet you!
~lori
"I am the lonely soul of a waterfall."
49reasons
Thu, 2011-06-09 06:33
Hello
Lori, I was so pleased to see your name & poetry in the stream. Glad you could make it and I hope you enjoy your time here.
There is nothing to critique, this is a lovely soft piece of poetry... from a whisper to a sigh.
~Juls~
"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda
Ink Artist
Thu, 2011-06-09 08:44
hey juls! great to see some
hey juls! great to see some familiar names in the poet's list. i look forward to being a part of neopoet!
~lori
"I am the lonely soul of a waterfall."
Nordic cloud
Thu, 2011-06-09 08:43
Oh this is magnificent, like
Oh this is magnificent, like the sky itself so blue
the mystery of spirits crying though the whole
in rich coloured painted faces
and waving grasses,
I loved the ride on the words of your poem.
Thank you and love from Ann of Norway.
"billowing prairie grasses
(to) softly shower away
the quiet."
.. could almost be called a most beautiful haïku,
in fact a TERRIFIC ONE to my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and I'm just playing mind you!
an angry sun
on a bruised cornflower canvas
sky
lumbering
the white cries of Cree spirits
Milk River.
OH its all so evocative and ......? Sigh!
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Ink Artist
Thu, 2011-06-09 08:45
thank you, ann! so nice to
thank you, ann! so nice to meet you. :)
~lori
"I am the lonely soul of a waterfall."
Ink Artist
Thu, 2011-06-09 15:39
thank you, rosina, for the
thank you, rosina, for the welcome and the comment. nice to meet you! :)
~lori
"I am the lonely soul of a waterfall."
Pamela A. Lamppa
Sat, 2011-06-11 11:16
Lovely, lovely, lovely.
Ahhh, there is such a light that glows within these words. Title is so fitting for this gem.
L1 - feels a bit odd to me logically - echoes of faraway silence. The logic tells me there is no echo in silence, but I like the way the line melds into L2. Maybe something other than "echoes"
perhaps:
in emptiness of distant silence
(just a thought)
Some honing to pare down a bit more too will give this powerful work more impact.
like white cries of
Cree spirits ...
and an angry sun
on its bruised cornflower canvas sky
stares at sad faces of painted pansies
through slanted grey shafts
etc.
Just a few thoughts. All in all, this is a powerful and dynamic work that brings a reader so much closer to inner self and the desire to truly connect to their roots, to nature, and to what truly matters to their soul.
Lovely, lovely, lovely. You are so talented. Thank you for the opportunity to absorb your words. ~Pamela
.. .
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