Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Walking Backward, Tripping Over Snakes
My love for you: As pure as lungs need air to breathe,
but that was not meant to be; your absence suffocates me.
I turn to follow prints of feet, crossing deserts to find Plan B;
all that's found are skulls and bones, it makes no sense to walk backwardly.
There is no resurrection of a love-dead-gone affection
when oxygen no longer longs for lips or passing through another's fingertips,
and that's exactly what I need in order to have the strength to run.
They say the body needs a lot of water; without it, there's dehydration.
I have thirst for love and second chance but how can a dancer dance
when his tongue is a raisin and stomach feels infested with ants?
And what is the meaning of an oasis, if the soul still needs its breath;
he could give me an ocean, but without you, there's only death.
All that's found are skulls and bones, it makes no sense to walk backwardly.
All that's found are skulls and bones, it makes no sense to walk
All that's found are skulls and bones, it makes no sense,
it makes no sense,
and this time, there's no resurrection.
Comments
Red Card
Mon, 2011-06-06 21:47
thanks :)
thanks :)
-Ty
Kailashana2
Mon, 2011-06-06 19:02
Indeed. The title as well as
Indeed. The title as well as the poem.....beyond excellence.
Welcome To Neo.
~A
Red Card
Mon, 2011-06-06 21:47
thank you :)
thank you :)
-Ty
CCfire
Thu, 2011-06-09 06:12
Bueno muchachitos...:P You
Bueno muchachitos...:P You know I loved this when I read it...xxx
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Kailashana2
Thu, 2011-06-09 07:21
I think Kim and Red Card
I think Kim and Red Card should meet.
;-)
~A
Red Card
Sat, 2011-06-11 05:50
lol who is kim?
lol who is kim?
-Ty
CCfire
Sat, 2011-06-11 06:02
LOL I think Ana was meaning
LOL I think Ana was meaning Rottiestyl on here, she'd enjoy your writing :)
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Ink Artist
Sat, 2011-06-11 09:01
hi ty!
this is a painfully honest piece. it has an excellent flow throughout and your internal rhyme is done with a deft touch. i have only one suggestion: L9 drop the "have" for "i thirst for love and second chance but how can a dancer dance." as i read this a few times, i omitted it personally. just a thought.
really potently emotive and genuine work. :)
~lori
"I am the lonely soul of a waterfall."
Red Card
Sat, 2011-06-11 13:52
Thanks Lori. I was trying to
Thanks Lori. I was trying to convey that... I have thirst for love in the past. Is thirsted a word? Hmm.... even if it is, it doesn't sound right. I mean I get what you're saying and appreciate the input... but I think I might need "have" to express what I intended? :| Glad you like it though. :D
-Ty