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He Left His Kitten
Gazing at furry paws
slapping white cord pulls
mesmerizes her.
Wooden tassels clunk together,
waving to and fro,
like a tetherball on a playground pole
spanked by busy children.
He left his kitten,
his curious kitten.
Outside snowflakes
float downward
like pieces of paper
torn from his exit note in her hands
and like bits of cotton
the kitten pulls from her pillow.
He left his kitten,
his curious kitten.
Her hands clasp together.
She utters no prayer.
Downcast she cannot face her Lord.
Her red streaked eyes,
accented by ash colored cheeks
study playful kitten.
Her thoughts clink together
as she slaps them around her mind.
He left his kitten,
his curious kitten.
He left.
He left her.
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Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
vexations10
Sat, 2011-06-04 08:22
I’ve added
a change in the second verse, line 4 and 5 I added “his exit note” I’m surprised two females fail to capture the images of a woman, stunned and dumped by her lover who left his darn cat behind for her to care for. I guess much is lost when a male tries to empathize with the feelings of a female who has been rejected. I’ve only read translations of Neruda. And no, I don’t remember that poem you mentioned. Inspiration for this poem was a posting by a female friend about her boyfriend leaving her and his cat.
vexations
author commentvexations10
Sun, 2011-06-05 19:33
Thanks
I appreciate your comments Lonnie and China Blue. I think it stands on it’s own. I don’t make a change based on every comment. It is your opinion but it is my poem.
vexations
author commentscribbler
Sun, 2011-06-05 19:42
hi Vex
I'm going against the flow. This poem boils it all down to the basics.He Left.Why doesn't matter..........stan
vexations10
Mon, 2011-06-06 15:42
Thanks
for your comment Stan. I can’t think of more to say. . . . and not every reader has to like it.
vexations
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2011-06-08 11:15
Hello Vex,
I found this to be a very sad poem. In the end he left her, so why not leave his kitten,too? It makes sense in a noncommittal way. (She is better off with just the kitten) That's my take on it.
always, Cat
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