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Pilots of Pages...
Pilots of Pages.
I set my pen against paper
like a rudder entering water
the pen guides this paper
to it’s conclusion.
Such simple thoughts are
scary even hard to comprehend.
We are I believe pilots of the pen,
obtuse maybe, playful certainly,
serious sometimes, downright angry,
frightened, brilliant, almost anything
you can imagine we are, but pilots
We take off with the best of
weather in our sights, but as
is nature’s child we are unpredictable
we can have a thunderous days
writing or be blown off course
struggling with our vessels
crying out mayday, mayday
like a child afraid, lonely.
Or we find fair winds with
sun filled sky’s, ink scrolls
words that are endless, always
finding safe harbours to dip
our pens. Page after page sailing
or flying with rudder and pilot
in harmony, but mostly I find we
can be fearless. guiding our pens
into dark, murky dangerous Sea’s,
discovering lands abundantly fertile.
Returning with the gift of pleasure
to all who care to sample.
But no sooner have we returned
we set sail again building on our
knowledge gained from being
an old salt striving to be the
poet of seas, pilot of pages.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Pondering, and i came to believe it's so...
Editing stage:
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Sun, 2011-06-05 12:20
Thank you,
Thank you Ian, i am mostly at peace until i hear of another atrocity, especialy towards children. Then i wish i could solve all the ills of our world. Just one week with the power of a U.S. President, and i think i could rest easier. Thanks again Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentJanice Pearce
Thu, 2011-06-02 18:39
Pilots of Pages
Roscoe, I liked this one! If you don't mind I personally would omit "I believe" in the 2nd stanza,
The 3rd stanza the last line, omit last line or change it seemed not to fit (for me) 4th stanza seventh line I would omit "mostly find". Just my personal opinion,Thanks for sharing!!
Roscoe Lane
Sun, 2011-06-05 12:23
I have,
I have applied some changes to my original, along the lines you suggest and am quietly pleased but still mulling it over. Thank you for your comments and suggestions. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentwesley snow
Thu, 2011-06-02 19:33
Not sure
This is the first of yours I have read, so I begin with my usual comment about not liking free verse. I have been startled by it too many times to simply count it out, but generally I don't care for it.
Some of the reasons I don't enjoy free verse are rampant in your poem (but wait). The poem suffers from what I feel is free verses' chief drawback. Without it being curtailed, free verse tends to ramble aimlessly. Just wandering through a general landscape of a subject never taking a sharp or startling turn. This is guilty of that.
But now, having said all of that mean, damning commentary I'm going to say...that for whatever reason...I kind of liked the poem. In an odd sort of way I felt as though "the pen was guiding you" through a fair bit of untethered, disjointed, mind wandering thoughts and it did it in a sort of relaxed and pleasant way.
So, I can't begin to tell you why I liked the poem except to say (and this is SO not my style) I liked the poem. I'll try to have something more helpful to say on your next post, but I also don't much care to pretend I like something when I don't. That's not my style either.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Roscoe Lane
Sun, 2011-06-05 12:30
Thank you,
Thank you it's good to hear comments from someone new, that's what keeps us going help and critique. I love to let my mind wander, it's so much more pleasant than the real world sometimes. And can relax you in moments, Thank you and if new, a heartfelt welcome to neopoet. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Sun, 2011-06-05 12:35
Thank you,
Thank you Jayne, I'm glad you liked it. I believe it is a journey, from the first idea through to it's completion and then here for all to comment on. Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Sun, 2011-06-05 12:36
Thank you,
Thank you Jayne, I'm glad you liked it. I believe it is a journey, from the first idea through to it's completion and then here for all to comment on. Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Sun, 2011-06-05 12:36
Thank you,
Thank you Jayne, I'm glad you liked it. I believe it is a journey, from the first idea through to it's completion and then here for all to comment on. Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentscribbler
Sun, 2011-06-05 19:38
hi Roscoe
In the journey of the pen
whether on water or the fen
guidance is always badly needed
lest journey's tale remain unheeded
Should one need a penman guide
upon their journey far and wide
just remember this refrain
you could do worse than Roscoe Lane
BTW I enjoyed your journey in this poem
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2011-06-07 15:49
Stan,
Stan it's my turn to buy a new hat, many thanks for your verses. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author comment