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Real

Real

The ecstasy
is what I think
will last inside
of me
but it is a moment
moving like
quick silver on hands
of short lived
time

Wasting it
is my Guilt
each moments pleasure
belongs to it only
to try and hold it
is like surviving
on a glass of air
and a wind pie

That hunger
is awaiting the next
moment
I live for each one
drawing on every pleasure
it provides
asking for nothing
just being
a part of its unmeasured
evolution

The changing
into what was
to what is
never thinking
or holding
to what it might
be

To project
is to live thinking
that I
can control
a future that I
can't see
this moment is
what's real to me

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
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Editing stage: 

Comments

on a glass of air
and a wind pie...I like these images

I like the content...and It's a pretty neat and sweet piece

whenever hard pressed to say out loud my philosophical/spiritual preference,
I choose to say "Taoism". It seems to correspond with my natural tendencies,
though I have never really dug to deeply into it ( the literature of it, about it etc.)

your works appeal to me when sensed from this angle (the Tao)

p.s. also impressed by your airborne ranger military experience

Al

is my life's blood, everything I do and say is connected to it., it's simplicity. no more no less. Lao Tzu is the father of it read the "tao te ching"
the way of peace in ourself not anyone else, so if we all think that way "Tao" we can live and let live in that moment. no past no future. to dwell on the past is futile to think of the future is lost. just stop and see we are already there.

interesting , at lease to me.

thanks Al

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Real

The ecstasy
is what I think
will last inside
of me

(The ecstasy
will last)
but it is a moment
moving like
quick silver on hands
of short-lived
time

(Beautiful!)

Wasting it
is my Guilt
each moments pleasure
belongs to it only
(omit to it)
to try and hold it
(replace it with onto)
is like surviving
on a glass of air

(surviving on a glass of air, oh, so perfect, Eddie!)

drawing on every pleasure
it provides
asking for nothing
(asks rather than asking)
just being
(instead of being, just to be)
a part of its unmeasured
evolution

The changing
into what was
too what is
(to)
never thinking
or holding
to what it might
(omit it)
be

To project
is to live thinking
that I
can control
a future that I
can't see
this moment is
what's real to me

(I'd just end the poem with
*only
this moment is
real to me *

~A

thank you darling, but all I'll change is the "too"
The rest stays as is, it is how it came out without a stop. It took a total of a minute and a half to write. If you look at my option choice, I don't want to play with it at all. I do see what you mean.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I like the philosophy behind it, and the meaning comes out clearly through the use of very concise
sentences and thoughts. Well done! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thank you,
this is from my belief Taoism.
the idea is to keep it simple, just saying what you think without a lot of metaphors
clarity is its essence.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Real

The ecstasy
is what I think
will last inside
of me
but it is a moment
moving like
quick silver on hands
of short lived
time

Wasting it
is my Guilt
each moments pleasure
belongs to it only
to try and hold it
is like surviving
on a glass of air
and a wind pie

That hunger
is awaiting the next
moment
I live for each one
drawing on every pleasure
it provides
asking for nothing
just being
a part of its unmeasured
evolution

The changing
into what was
to what is
never thinking
or holding
to what it might
be

To project
is to live thinking
that I
can control
a future that I
can't see
this moment is
what's real to me

I usually quote back favorite lines. in this case, I have quoted the entire poem as my favorite lines. I think this piece is one of your best. You have a beautifully simple philosophy and it shines through. Great phrasing, metaphors and similes. The title sits upon your words, like a cherry on a cake! Lovely!

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you so much, I am happy you enjoyed the poem!

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I like this one and I can see you sitting there candle lit and your thoughts immersed to paper and pen, heart and soul.

The only thing I would like to say is I thought this part would be the better ending to this poem.

The changing
into what was
to what is
never thinking
or holding
to what it might
be

Just my wee thoughts and it is very good. I can feel it. It speaks to me the whole read.

Spirits of love to you
Mona
xox

I think that my voice when used in the taoism, makes my write more in tone with whats in all of us.

I like what you wrote as far as what you saw in the poem prose, but as I wrote to Anna. this is how it came out. I do not want to tinker with this one, because the inner me is written here.
thank you for the read, and the connection to the write, this is the reason I shared it. So people might see what I see.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

The time is a metaphor for fast, it really took me three. It came screaming out of me. It was like it wanted to be set free, no kidding.
Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed it..
These write's lately come from a place of awareness and the freedom I have been feeling in my spirit..

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment
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