Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Notes

I feel the movement
as souls embrace.

Notes play.

Chopin
Nocturne 17

Fingers gently grace tips;
eyes understand.

Tears and heart
glisten mid melody,
snowflakes compliment;

wishing
to believe again,

that love is made worth its risk.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCbm22BjVMk&feature=related
Editing stage: 

Comments

Hi Pamela... this is my favourite poetic genre....spiritual.

I feel the movement of souls
combined through touch.

(I feel the movement--
our souls embrace.)
[packs more power]

Notes play.

Chopin
Nocturne 17

Fingers gently grace tips;
eyes understand.

Tears and heart
glisten mid melody
and snowflakes,

(remove and)

and they compliment;

(remove and they)

wishing
to believe again,

that love is made worth its risk.

(that love is on separate line)
[I'd write that making love is worth its risk, this way the souls' embrace
has a double meaning]

~A

I will review these changes closely and will probably use them.
Last line, - I am smiling. had already made that change prior to reading your comment.
Let me ask you, I shortened this thinking it ended perfectly here.

but I had this prior to.
Is it worth trying to add or should I just leave it for an idea elsewhere?

"My smile joins yours
and kisses melt the music
for days passed,

for today,

and for days when notes play
tender surrender.

I look forward to your thoughts

~Pamela

.. .

~"It's ALL about the Poetry~

Please join us in The Shark Pool

author comment

Many of my poems integrate music, spirituality and lovemaking, Chopin, (one needs a deft touch ;-) I think the cello is a sexual instrument and the oboe is human voice. ;-)

About the additional stanzas. Yum! I love it but I don't know if I'd integrate it with the posted one. However, adding one or two more sentences/thoughts............and voila another delectable poem!

Did you see the Red Violin? If you haven't, rent it, I KNOW you'll purchase it. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120802/ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhqgV4flGdE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8ITW72y_6s (Anna's theme)

I wrote several poems, inspired and blown away.

~A

I will take a look at your link and appreciate you taking a moment on the additional lines.
I think I will stick with stopping right where I have.
Have yet to incorporate your other ideas, but I believe I will.

Thank you again. ~Pamela

.. .

~"It's ALL about the Poetry~

Please join us in The Shark Pool

author comment

Hello Pamela, I told you I would get here. Better late...
I am something of a stick in the mud about "traditional" poetic forms. Sans a repetitious meter and some rhyme I'm often lost in the "looser poetry". However, I find if I allow the context and punctuation to guide the poem will come alive for me. That was true in this poem. You had already scored a point with me over the Chopin reference as I am a big fan of his Nocturnes and Preludes. Your poem has many similarities with his smaller musical pieces. A simple melody, not repeated too much making a subtle, yet profound statement. I don't know if you intended the counterpoint of playing a piano while holding someone in love, but it is what I gleaned from the poem. If I could offer a suggestion as to improvement, I would. I cannot. It is a lovely poem with powerful, if understated sentiments and an excellent introduction to your work. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

You have grasped the meaning of this piece perfectly. I practice free verse in order to improve on writing in this form. I am weak with it, but better at it than haiku which I just cannot seem to grasp. LOL Someday maybe.

I am an avid fan of Chopin and have loved his music since I was in elementary school. Perhaps this is why I lean toward more formal and classical verse as well. My father was one to introduce us to the classics at and early age and Chopin always felt like me/ That you mentioned the correlation between playing the piano and holding a lover has me elated.

I shall enjoy following your verse and critiques on this site. Thank you kindly. ~Pamela

.. .

~"It's ALL about the Poetry~

Please join us in The Shark Pool

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.