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“Drugs”

Drugs can aid the ailing
And injure the consumer
Lacking in judgment

It hurts those using to amusing
Making folks yearning for highs
Remains unhealthy and unwise

Those entertaining
In place of sickness and ailments
Yield to deflate influences
Turns souls to evil

Destroying lives and minds

Various ones damaged by deceit
Others remain in Sheol
Waiting for renewed
Opportunities in life

May the spirit go back to God
The amusing drugs can overcome

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Mona I posted your revised it sounds really good to me thanks for the help.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I don't understand half the words in your comment. lol

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

remember your poem trying to turn kids of drugs? They all saw the ignorance and probably interested them.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I withdraw "crappy", that was uncalled for. Yet I do feel your poem would have had the reverse effect on its target audience.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

teenagers are smarter than you think

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

and it won't do any good.

Sorry, but one of your worst.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Kal, Rosina, and Jess

A person who has never done drugs ever of any kind or even fully understand why people do it to the extent they do should not write poetry about drugs. Sorry.
Jess you seem to understand what I trying to say could you rewrite a suggestion for me. would appreciate it if you did.

Honesty is better than silence any day.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Believe me, kids know when you are you are lying and you will do more harm than good.

Write what you know.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I appreciate your honesty it is soothing. I choose never to do more h arm than good. thanks for being kind about it.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

i shall never write another poem about drugs or anything I haven,t experience to deter the unhealthy habit lol.
if i write about never having been on drugs and what a blessing it has been for me would be ludicrous and certainly would do any good lol.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Being an old-fashioned character, educated in the Scots system, I cannot enjoy reading when the grammar (and grampa) needs amended. So "injury" should be injure, "yields" yield, "destroy" destroys. The lack of punctuation is perhaps deliberate?
For such an important subject, I feel that the poem lacks impact, although it is obviously written with the best intentions, no matter what that Scouse Git might say.
Kindest Regards
Ian
PS Why not try Gilbert and Sullivan?
Some drugs can be medicinal
Though when they've been divisible
And cut with any product close to hand
They hurt smackheads as high as kites
Who choke consuming munchy bites
And wreck their houses all over the land

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

May I have the liberty to critique this poem of yours. Let me know what you think of what I did and hopefully if it does not take anything away of your message in this write.

Drugs can aid the ailing
And injure the consumer
Lacking in judgment

It hurts those using to amusing
Making folks yearning for highs
Remains unhealthy and unwise

Those entertaining
In place of sickness and ailments
Yield to deflate influences
Turns souls to evil

Destroying lives and minds

Various ones damaged by deceit
Others remain in Sheol
Waiting for renewed
Opportunities in life

May the spirit go back to God
The amusing drugs can overcome

All the other comments in here but a few had nothing to do with your poem may I add.

Folks need to critique the poem and not the person or other persons.

Think before you write and stick to Barbara's poem. That is what the workshop is for and not to get into commentary with others about what they wrote or to make innuendos. Sorry I could not help to read some of the responses in here. I usually do not read any of them until after I have made my own concerted remarks and suggests. It is your write gal and let me just add this please.

On a personal note we lost a cousin at the young age of 25 years old to recreational drugs. It was a horrible thing and the most saddest thing to happen in our family. Not only him, but I have seen many others die at the hands of drug addictions. It is an epidemic in our country and is sad to say the least. I miss our Adam and if he would of gotten the help he truly needed maybe he would be here with us today. The drugs took his life and he is missed terribly.

Thank you for allowing me to critique this poem. Let me know if I misinterpreted anything here.

Love to you gal
Mona

I appreciate you Mona for the critique. the meaning was not lost
thanks Ian appreciate it much

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

the meaning behind this poem..it hit me hard and I think you are spot on with it. It is of concern in this day and age and I am blessed with my son drug free as I have nailed him and talked with him so much about it. There is so much sadness in drugs and in alchohol I could write a book also on it. Thanks for this write and you are doing great Barb. Keep on keepin on gal

Love to you and the family
Mona

A rather mysterious poem, I was expecting some reason for the poet to have been left on her own. The story was interesting , probably because of the untold event.
Logic would indicate a change of tense in the first stanza, perhaps like,
"I think of the life we'd planned ahead"
As I had a minor. nit-picking problem with standing on a cliff tossing stones into the sea which would skim. Perhaps a change to "From the beach my flung stone skims the sea" or "At water's edge I throw a stone
It skims the surface in a tiny wave."
All my suggestions are minor , this is a talented piece of work Rosie

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

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