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The Sentence/The Gods Made Love
Born of the gulf
We loved with the force of creation
Lightening struck as our eyes met
Thunder roared at the brush of our hands
Winds of gale force blew as our lips touched
Our passion was the creation of hurricanes
The earth shook with our bodies embrace
Tidal waves formed as our love making began
Tsunami’s swept ashore with our climax
The lava flowing from the earths core was our spent passion
It was the beginning of time and we loved
We wandered through Eden in this blissful state
Never knowing the jealousy that filled the hearts
Of the other gods
So fearful of a love so pure and strong
They strove to separate us one from the other
Catching us unaware after passions were spent
they fell upon us and drew us apart
No longer did they hide their fear or jealousy
As they rent us apart from our bliss
They cast us down to live in this earth
Sentenced to hell on earth
Centuries and circumstance
Have kept us apart
In human form we dwell
These faithless bodies love indiscriminately
Nothing remains of our once perfect love
Our crime…
Loving each other
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
This is another poem I wrote years ago. I am revisiting several of them None of them have been edited.
Editing stage:
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Comments
autumnphoenix
Sun, 2011-05-08 22:07
Hello Yenti (Ian)
Thank you for your reading of my poem. At the time of this poems creation I was going through a great deal of change and loss. I was realizing something had been missing in my life. With that I turn to my two favorite things writing and music. I wrote this to Jimi Hendrix piece "and the Gods made love"
The story seemed to be there in the music. A love like that, someone would have to be jealous. "The sentence" is the name I called it when I finished. Still not certain what name I will give it. But thank you for your insight and comments.
ttfn
Autumn Phoenix
author commentweirdelf
Sat, 2011-05-07 12:50
There is something delightfully straightforward
in the way you write of grand doomed passions. I really appreciate it. Neither sentimental nor grandiloquent. I feel it, have felt it. This is a poem that for me makes a mark. Yet strangely so, because at first glance it would seem a tired old theme. Kudos to you. I don't know how you did it, but if I could do it I would.
I love that you use both the imagery of Eden (which belongs to a solo jealous god) with a contingent of other gods. It adds a meaningful layer.
The ending I'm not so sure about.
"These faithless bodies love indiscriminately
Nothing remains of our once perfect love"
seems to imply that sexuality was an imperfection.
So the last line implies that sexuality denies love. That's only my take on it, of course, but you see what I mean?
cheers,
Jess
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autumnphoenix
Sun, 2011-05-08 22:45
Hi Jess
I do see how it could be seen that way. Let me assure you that was not my intention. I happen to believe sexuality in its self is a pure expression of ourselves. Sexuality can be great with out love. Love can be great without sex. Love and sexuality have two parts to them. Each have to have the mind set for them. I say "indiscriminately" to show it lost its value; for lack of a better word. I believe in monogamy while in a relationship. The point I was making was while they where gods they had that. Once cast down they sought multiple partners. That was the punishment. To never again be what they had been to each other. They didn't have the love... just the sex.
You understand yes?
Autumn Phoenix
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