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HUNTER and PREY

This is a new form I came up with on old site. It's called Parallel Poetry. In this form the same story is told from 2 different viewpoints simultaneously. The poems are posted side by side and should be read 1st line left poem, 1st line right poem ;2nd line left poem,2nd line right poem and so on until completion. This form can be written to alternate reading line to line or stanza to stanza and can be in free verse or classic............scribbler (please ignore lines of periods as this is only way I could get this form to post)

...............Hunter....................................................................................................Prey

You've left sign scattered through the woods.........................Throughout the summer woods were bare
I've tried to link and figure out.....................................................of any type of human smell
and having done the best I could..............................................but now I sense you everywhere
I've hung a stand in pine tree stout...........................................mostly at that pine beside the well

So on this day in the predawn...................................................In the predawn I am checking does
my post I've taken for the morning............................................a half a mile away from there
near the old road I walked in on................................................the scent of man on soft breeze blows
in hope my entrance gives no warning....................................causing me to walk with care

Now it's light enough to see.......................................................Full light brings the time of man
and the woods begin to stir........................................................day's denizens begin to stir
as life abounds all around me...................................................squirrels' gray and woodcock's tan
I hear a woodcock's gentle whir.................................................as they scold and start to whir

Just at sunrise comes a doe......................................................I'm trailing far behind a doe
along the edge of thicket, dense................................................on a path leading to sanctuary
I choose to pass up on her though............................................her scent is hot but I move slow
hoping a buck will soon come hence........................................strong smell of human makes me tarry

Now full sun has melted frost......................................................Now I see the glint of sun off glass
I spy antler moving in the thicket..................................................betraying a hunter in pine tree
but it quickly fades away................................................................into thicker cover I now pass
today I will not punch his ticket.....................................................that careless hunter won't get me

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

this is a really interesting way to write a poem - i remember reading one like this of yours on the old site....

i think i like it - but it takes a lot of concentration to read it
i like the idea of having the two points of view

i think that it is a bit messed by some of the prey's words being found under the hunter's - (when the write goes onto the next line) - which was a little confusing for a bit until i worked it out...

well done - thanks for sharing
love and hugs
judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

yes ,on old site I posted "inheritor and benefactor". Still thinking of another form for this type poem. Am considering staggering the lines
...........................................................kind of like this
but think the rows of periods
...........................................................might be even more confusing
in any case I am very happy to see you...................stan

author comment

Glad the fishing expedition went well lol. I'm going to get this format the way I really want it eventually lol..........stan

author comment
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