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socal
southern air is dry
it makes your mouth
tingle like a teenage kiss
picks up strands of hair
as if it wants to be
a sure and certain lover
at night it sighs
across palm trees
across streets where
apartment windows
lie open to its charm
a guy watching a game
a woman
smoking and
watching it drift
further away
with all her dreams
and me
on the edge of a chair
teetering
on the wire
weaving words
as a safety net
tonight
i am not sure
what it is
i'm afraid of
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage:
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Fri, 2011-05-06 00:11
First run,
First run through and i think it's another great poem, you have an art of atmosphere. Will look back later when i have more time, but first impression are well my first sentence tells you. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
CCfire
Fri, 2011-05-06 00:16
Thanks Roscoe, it's always a
Thanks Roscoe, it's always a boon for a muse when you're on vacation in new places :)
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Ayaz Warith
Fri, 2011-05-06 02:49
I appreciate the whole scene
I appreciate the whole scene you ahve woven in this lovely piece. Its artistic values are unmatched.
Thanks for sharing
Regards
Ayaz
CCfire
Fri, 2011-05-06 10:35
So-cal..it's a short form for
So-cal..it's a short form for Southern California that people use here :)
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
CCfire
Fri, 2011-05-06 10:37
Well I could but then poets
Well I could but then poets never listen to advice, I take my lead from the master of understated narrative, Bukowski...'don't try' just write beer shit and people will read it.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
scribbler
Fri, 2011-05-06 10:46
hi
Hope you're having fun out there. Now some alternatives from an unrepentant rhymer lol.
L-12 change the to a
L-14 delete and
L-22 change writing to weaving
L-50 tell stan to leave you alone lol
A good job of describing the atmosphere. San Diego or L.A.?........................scribbler
CCfire
Fri, 2011-05-06 11:20
Right in between Scrib..:)
Right in between Scrib..:) Off to a Padre's game tonight.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Esker
Fri, 2011-05-06 11:25
loose change
alphabet soup from the food bank
my account hemmoraged from no trust
the water leaking through the railing
like a clever moth through the webs
I read your works and am entranced
Bukowski I get snippets from now
and then The greats of that marvelous
time in the fifties writing writing writing
I shall keep on trucking as was said
ten years later
writing writing writing
Your prose provokes me further
and I am astounded and dazzled
thank you Poet
CCfire
Fri, 2011-05-06 11:28
Esk, I just love receiving
Esk, I just love receiving your comments, even they are the poetry of a poet :) Thank you
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Esker
Fri, 2011-05-06 11:30
poets of old
a lot of them were vying for money for publishing in the day and were rather ambitious here its open and a tad more relaxed I love your works I think you a hell of a fine poet Oh gotta go shopping now with the ex we are still freinds I should write about shopping one day
CCfire
Fri, 2011-05-06 11:32
Thanks and yes that's true.
Thanks and yes that's true..shopping..I remember reading one about finding Walt Whitman at the grocery store..it intrigued me, I wish I could remember it now.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Psyve
Fri, 2011-05-06 12:42
Chez
This is such a well penned description of the moment... a glimpse out of an open window, the warm southern californian wind interconnecting different lives... the lady with a cigarette standing in the street, the man in the building across the street watching a game on TV... the poet at her keyboard, waiting for the words to flow, and wondering what it is she is afraid most of...
Good job!
Psyve