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Earned Fate
Living in the dark
the nocturnal creation
feels nothing
where we have a heart
Peering from a cell
through vacant eyes
sending daggers
while chained in hell
Turning human fate
into its own playtime
while The minds of men
fill with hate
The price of the toll
is paid with death
the nocturnal creature
collects the souls
They have opened the gate
bringing hell here to earth
Man has no idea
soon, it will be late
Sitting in wait
with a broad smile on its face
Sending minions to directed
our inevitable fate
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
I wrote this after Bin Laden's death.
We are vengeful creatures, is it human nature or is it just our need for blood to be spilled. We find any excuse to justify these actions of wanton hate.
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem
Favorite Poets
P. Neruda, Jose de Diego, E. Dickenson, R. Frost, there are many more, but these had the greatest influence...
Comments
Candlewitch
Thu, 2011-05-05 09:32
Dear Eddie,
The man was a monster who relished and reveled in the pain and fear of other human beings. He took great pleasure in presenting the world with his atrocities and violations against humanity. I heaved a sigh of release when he died. I, too am guilty of finding peace and relief in his death. I feel that the world is a little safer without him. Maybe that makes me a bad human being. I don't know. I guess we all have a dark place within.
I found that this line confused me a little:
Sending minions to directed
The poem is good and I liked it very much. It is very styxian and dark. I think you captured the condition accurately. Good work!
always Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Eduardo Cruz
Thu, 2011-05-05 09:37
Cat
He send out his hitchmen to attack inocent people, and even those poeple grew angry with hate. so even those who did not believe in revenge began to eat of that cold plate.
Thank you for the read my friend.
I miss seeing you around buddy!
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentJanice Pearce
Thu, 2011-05-05 09:57
Eddie, My Bud
This one intrigued me, it kept my attention But...( you know me always nit-picking.) Just a suggestion the word "Man" came up too often towards the last stanzas of the poem, just my opinion :). Otherwise great poetry!
Eduardo Cruz
Fri, 2011-05-06 07:45
Janice!!
You better stop disappearing, or i'll have to do something about it I will file an injuntion for you never to leave the immetiate area. Fast Eddie Esq.
Thanks I didn't even realize that I had use "man" so much, I don't like the way that came out. Hahaha!
I made the change, It's wonderful to see you on my page sweet Janice!
your Bud always,
Fast Eddie Esq.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Fri, 2011-05-06 07:48
Shirley
Oh my sweet,
it's so great to see you still here, i'm happy to know when i look around I see your wonderful writes.
Thank you little Witch, I'm glad you liked this write. it came from my pain for mankind.
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Fri, 2011-05-06 07:50
Rosi
My dear friend,
we are all touch by these wanton acts of violence.
thank you so much for pouring your heart out in your comment it moved me.
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentscribbler
Fri, 2011-05-06 07:58
hello
The teachings about an eye for an eye were revolutionary in calling for restraint. At the time it was customary to kill the offender and then go after his family and friends. And now we kill this thing and are told it's wrong to celebrate............sigh............stan
Eduardo Cruz
Sat, 2011-05-07 18:22
Stan
It's not wrong, we feel as we feel, when it strikes home. remember that it is just an opinion no one can control anothers emotions. So feel my Brother human., because in the end that's all we are.
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentGeezer
Fri, 2011-05-06 08:53
I liked...
this one a lot, as you know I would. Just a little nit-pick; don't capitalise the second part of the sentences when the appear at the next line. i noticed you didn't always, but slipped up and did more than you didn't. Great job, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Eduardo Cruz
Sat, 2011-05-07 18:29
Gee
Thank you for pointing that out, sometimes I become lazy. My word program is set to begin each line with an upper case letter.
Thanks for the "Great job"
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Sat, 2011-05-07 18:36
Jay C.
You are my sister in the pain of loss of our country men and most of all human kind.
Sad isn't it that there are still so many mad men with a cause, that does not make sense. taking human life never has made sense to me, even though I have done it, in the persuit of my countries freedoms, at lease it was what I believed at the time. I feel a little different now at 57.
Love to you my sister human.
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
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