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Bridging the gap

In the dying light of your voice,
the sky wings away
silhouettes my bones;
I suck at marrow
of small gods
flesh the north wind, so pure,
inside my mouth:
the sun picks at my eyes,
gently

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 

Comments

Hi Shirley, thank you for your kind words.
Greetings,
Erwin

(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)

author comment

great to see you here posting too.
no critique from me... I like this just the way it is.
.

~Juls~

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda

Hi Juls thanks you and good to see you here also.
Took a few days how this site works, so far I really like the whole concept of workshopping.
Erwin

(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)

author comment

As always your brevity astounds sometimes.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

Thank you Chez ....well, that's a great compliment. Awesome site this, thanks for inviting me.
Erwin
(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)

author comment

I am so glad to hear you say that, I think it's a keeper too, won't be going back to the other one anytime soon other than to read.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

A real gem of a poem, I humbly apologise for being unable to offer any constructive feedback.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Hi Jess, thank you for your kind words.
Greetings,
Erwin

(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)

author comment

It works! I write my poems on bricks and throw them at him. [grins]

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

lol .....the poor doctor...

author comment

how lovely this is

from your wonderful opening line, i was
captivated
there's a delicacy about this write
that is very persuasive

it's introspective, without being
indulgent
it invites the reader to wonder

it's like a moment, stilled in time

completely enjoyed

cheers
p

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