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SEE-SAW

SEE-SAW

There've been times in my life I've been so lonely,
There've been times in my life I've been so down,
There've been times in my life I've felt that only I'm around-
Electric Clown, run down...

There've been people in my life who've made me happy,
There've been people in my life who've made me glad,
There've been people in my life just like my Mama and my Dad,
I'm so lucky to have had...

High, low,
Up, down,
Afloat,
Aground...
.
.
This was originally written as a lyric for a short song. You can hear the sung version here:
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10588807
The recording is a little rough, since I struggled a bit with doing all the parts for the three-point vocal harmony, but hopefully it still conveys what it was SUPPOSED to sound like, lol....

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Shirl,

Thank you for listening and for your encouragement. Pleased you liked this.
Psyve

author comment

as a poem; but as a song I was not fond of the first sung 'afloat', the last verse of high etc was a little derivative for me music-wise, the there've being there is I suppose singers licence! One can get away with ......! But the lyrical music of the beginning and most of the song were enticingly charming and I very much enjoyed it.
Now I suddenly see that Shirley also has mentioned the Beatles, and that's what I felt the last verse-refrain was too like them.

Super song Pysve with love Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Thank you for your comments . I appreciate your honesty in this. I can see the Beatles sound association: I would agree there is a resemblance, now that you mention it.

I also agree this doesnt read well as a poem. Particularly the ending. I guess this is where the difference between a song lyric and a poem becomes apparent.

As regards the "There've been times" ... lol, if you see the lyric on the Soundclick site, I use the more colloquial "There been times..." . I thought I'd clean that up for the Neopoet, before someone jumped on the grammatical inaccuracy.

Didnt work, I guess!

Cheers, Ann and thanks again for taking the time to read, listen and review.

Psyve

author comment

Thank you for listening and commenting. Glad you liked this song. Yup, life can be a see saw t times.
That is part of the challange, I guess.
P.

author comment

Thank you for taking the time to read and listen to this one.
Glad you enjoyed the read.
Cheers,

Psyve

author comment
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