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A Date With Wine
Dating is not a game
To be played like a toy
It’s not a cat and mouse chase
Among men and women
Dating is not a wine treasury
To quench thirsty desires
It’s not a lust filled vessel
To be tasted like aged old wine
Dating is not to be taken casually
For sports and entertainment
It’s not a stage for performers
Pursuing fame
Dating is a vineyard
Before nuptials
Beholding the wine not its redness
Discerning maturity
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eduardo Cruz
Sun, 2011-04-24 01:26
Babara
A truly thought out piece of writting.
Please if you don't mine, just one thing
you established in the first stanza that this is your thoughts on dating and what it is not.
I believe that you don't need the phrase "Dating is not " after it's initial entry in the poem.
bring is back at the end as the opposite is perfect.
that's just my opinion.
I'm just a novice at this.
Dating is not a game
To be played like a toy
It’s not a cat and mice chase
Among men and women
Or a wine treasury
To quench thirsty desires
It’s not a lust filled vessel
To be tasted like aged old wine
It cannot to be taken casually
For sports and entertainment
It’s not a stage for performers
Pursuing fame
Dating is a vineyard
Before nuptials
Beholding the wine not its redness
Discerning maturity
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2011-04-25 09:26
thanks Eddie
I like your revision
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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Eduardo Cruz
Mon, 2011-04-25 09:40
Barbara
I re- read it,
I believe that in stanza 1 line 3;
"It’s not a cat and mice chase"
It should be; "cat and mouse" in the singular
Sorry but I notice it in the second reading.
Respect to you my friend
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2011-04-26 01:58
Mice, Mouse
thanks for the grammar check. I will correct the typo
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Pixee
Mon, 2011-04-25 10:46
Hey Barbara
I read your poem and I did't find any problems with it. I enjoyed reading your poem it gives out a message in your own way. I thank you for the read. Keep on Keeping on. Read you later.
Friends,
PIxee
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2011-04-26 02:00
Pixee
thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate and glad you liked it
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
crypticbard
Tue, 2011-04-26 06:11
Barbara!
If only this was true in practice... more love and less hearts broken
more respect and less date rape....
more getting into the prenuptial discernment
rather than cheap one-nighters, STDs, teasing and sleezing....
more marriages less live-ins, less divorces... and it can go on...
Wisdom and metaphorical beauty... I confess to have thought of
an alcoholic and their imminent date with the bottle... but not so!
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2011-04-26 11:14
Yeah now that woul dbe nice
I didn't realize dating had so much drama these days. When I dated back in the day life was simple. If you like someone you approach them. If it worked it was all good. if it didn't then you move on. I wrote this poem as my two cents to a dating topic my friend posted. It had almost 200 comment the last I participated.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Geezer
Tue, 2011-04-26 07:32
I totally agree...
with the comments made by Eddie, Pixee, and crypticbard. Great theme, and thoughtful write. I think that anyone who gets a date with you, is a lucky man. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2011-04-26 11:06
Awwwwwwwwwwwww so sweet
Awwwwwwwwwwwww so sweet
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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magics02
Tue, 2011-04-26 09:06
Barb
I would like to come back to this one after one read. I need to read it again as the first thing that came to my mind was..Just what was that date on that good old bottle of red anyhow:) chuckle...I used to love that good wine and those romantic moments......lol
I will be back gal and hope all is good by you
Love and blessings
Mona
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2011-04-26 11:08
Yeah me too
thanks for reading and you welcome anytime to come back and read.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community