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Rainy Day, Puppet Play
Summer rain trickles tears of boredom
Until Mrs Mop the puppet comes out to play
Peek-a-boo! Hiccup! Slosh
Changing the mood to waves of laughter.
Sorry guy's completely changed it! Lol
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eduardo Cruz
Thu, 2011-04-21 05:36
sweet Mand
There is an equal balance of both for me. I find myself not to conform as much as I use to, like when I was home with my parents. I now consider myself a free thinker. Do I have strings, I say yes. I live and work in this world. I see it as the "Master/Slave concept". I am master of some things where I pull the strings and the slave in others where my strings are pulled. That's where I see the equal balance.
It's just food for thought, the "Master/Slave concept"
Great write on your part.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
mand
Fri, 2011-04-22 06:17
Hi Eddie
After writing this poem and reading your comment I began to think more deeply about this complex subject. I think I will be changing it but it needs more thought! any suggestions would be welcome.
Love Mand xxxxxxx
author commentEduardo Cruz
Fri, 2011-04-22 04:50
Mand
Somehow try to incorparate the fact that we are all puppeteers, to an extent of a continues circle, like ying and yang. the dark and the light.
you see what I'm saying. really this is your poem and you see it as it was born in your mind not mind. i'm just glad you saw my universe as I percieve it.
thank you Hon.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Geezer
Fri, 2011-04-22 09:17
Having been pressed...
into service as a baby-sitter for my 6mos. old grandaughter, I thought of entertaining a child immediately.
LOL Kids are quite nicely distracted by the most common of things! My only crit. is that I didn't understand the reference to summer boredom, argues tears? Other than that, I loved the simplicity and charm. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
mand
Fri, 2011-04-22 10:05
Hi Gee
It's hard to find things to entertain children. Lol I really did have a puppet called Mrs Mob - she had shocking orange hair, I would get her out on rainy days during the summer holidays.
I have made a few adjustments based on your observations. Hope it sounds better.
Great to have your imput - can't always see the woods for the trees.
Thanks for stopping by to read and comment
Love Mand xxxxxx
author commentNordic cloud
Fri, 2011-04-22 14:06
Oh lovely lovely lovely,
Oh lovely lovely lovely,
I see the child sobbing and then the bright idea comes
Mrs Mop saves the day wonderfully.
I smile a warm knowing smile here Mand.
Love to you from Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.