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once, we were lovers

when time
was limitless
and boundaries
held no place

beyond imagination
we languished
in the unknown

til refuge was sought
in now familiar things
a fleeting look
a gesture
our unspoken words

but all too soon
minutes fell between
the silence of us

to compete
against the hours
until ties
were severed

distance
became
our adversary

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Comments

I enjoyed this, even though it seemed a little cliche.
As you know there is nothing that has not been written about. the art of poetry to me is to take what has been written and put a new twist or outlook on it.
Still, I enjoyed it very much, because you constructed it very well.
one thing I think you don't need the "and" in the last stanza:

"distance became
our adversary
once more"

that just me.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

the 'and' has now gone.
A very rough draft so I know this one will have many edits
thanks again for reading and your suggestion

~Juls~

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda

author comment

I would have ended it with 'adversary' I don't think it needs the rest. I also don't think you need the line 'wanting forever' it's too cliche for me. Apart from that I like it, is this the one you said you hadn't posted yet when I spoke to you yesterday?

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

yes, it's the one.
first fresh write in weeks. *shrug*
ok, off to edit

~Juls~

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda

author comment

What happened to your user pic? lol

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

maybe the neopoet fairy ate it :D
I've put another one up

~Juls~

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda

author comment

Funny it shows up when you go to write a comment.
Where's Juls?
ureika, it's back Hahaha!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

the neopoet fairy definitely ate it Eddie. I had to reload a picture. Thinking about it, maybe the fairy decided they didn't want to see my face lol

~Juls~

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda

author comment

it's a pretty face, If anything it was Jealous..

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

kind sir :)

~Juls~

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda

author comment

That was weird for all my comments with you there was none and now it's back..tricky little Neopoet fairy :P

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

I had to re-load a picture :P

~Juls~

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda

author comment

I'm pretty sure you have graduated with honors! :)

~Juls~

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda

author comment
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