Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Three Drops in the River

Sitting on the bank
As life goes flowing by
In the direction of the sea
Each drop striking
Someone's passing dream

The rivers babblings
are the stories
Of lost dreams
no longer seen

On a fallen tree I sit
As three drops
Roll down my cheek
Releasing pain
that cannot be contained

rolling down my chin
Dropping upon the bank
Without the slightest splash
Slowly finding their way
Across the soil into the flow

Replaced are dreams
Of when young
With aged found logic
Of things I can achieve

Reaching down
I splash my face
With the waters of my new
Found grace

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Still working on this one, any suggestion will be appreciated
Editing stage: 

Comments

I enjoyed the comparison of a river with passing time. I think I found Some typos :
L-5 someone's I think?
L-8 I think you mean Lost
L-14 contained
a few ideas also
L-17 try "without"
5th stanza has right words and thoughts, but may need to be rearranged to help clarity. Or could be my brain which needs rearranging lol. Regardless of all a very intriguing write................stan

I'm still working on this write, but I do appreciate the help.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Do we ever truly "finish" a poem? lol............stan

for me the answer is never. words seem to constanly intrude on what is already wrtten

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

2 weeks ago I did an edit on 1st. poem I posted here. Birds of a feather................

respect to you and like thoughts.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Hey Eddie I quite like this, I think the line 'that would not be contained' seems long and intrusive and would work better as that cannot be contained' and perhaps the lost dreams no longer seen instead of using 'that' in the beginning of the line.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

Thanks, It's a good point yes it's much better that way.

if you get a chance read the Blog "A joke, True Story"

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

thanks for the read, and the fab.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.