Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Stepping on whose head?

Sucking the life out
of all you touch
they are but stepping stones
To you they don't mean
much.

You're so high
on yourself
you don't see me
getting close
So self absorded

Grinning,
not seeing what's about
to strike home
The payment of one life
justifies the sinning

There will be smiles
not one tear
When a fist full of dirt
is dropped upon
the fertile earth

Only then will beauty
come from your head
All see and admire it
the joy you will provide
when you are dead

Here on my boat
crossing the river
You bitch and moan
it is too late
Yours was not a life
well spent

Though a payment
must be made
to cross the styx
The coins upon your eyes
are taken by those in need

Did you think
when you had passed
there'd be no debt to pay
Now whose stepping
on who's head.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
I do not fear death, because it is the long awaited sleep.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I am glad you liked it, I just wrote this at word on the fly.
thank you for the fix!
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I think the title was excellent.
The write itself had a unique theme that I particularly liked
I thought it was well put together
there were a few spelling errors that can be worked out.

stanza 4, line 5 : fertal --> fertile
stanza 6, line 4 : to --> too
stanza 6, line 6 : spend --> spent
stanza 8, line 3 : there be --> there'd be

Nice job
cheers,
logic

raffy

Thank you so very much for taking the time to edit for me.
Plain lazy when it comes to spelling and grammar, I drive Jess (weirdelf) crazy with it. He gets in my case all the time.
I'm glad you enjoyed the write, that part means a lot to me.
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Miss understanding, Thanks!
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.