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“Peace Within”

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Sun, 2011-04-17 01:30

“When my pain is bleak
And relief is fleeing
My thoughts become weak
With recklessness”

“Agony brings infamy
To my heart of pain
And the peace of Christ
Excels my thought of rashness”

“And meds for coping
Lessens my sadness
Lower my woes
Of high duress”

“And peace from within
Derived from up high
Quiet my thoughts
Of suicide”

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

Barbara Writes

Mon, 2011-04-18 00:52

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thanks for the comment and phrase. I appreciate it much.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Barbara Writes

Mon, 2011-04-18 00:58

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thanks i appreciate that. poetry has always been there for me to concentrate on when times got really rough.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Pamela A. Lamppa

Sun, 2011-04-17 10:01

Pamela A. Lamppa's picture

I realize you are not actively editing, but you did ask for the raw truth so I will offer some suggestions and ask some questions.

Was wondering if "fleeing" should be "fleeting"?
Agony "brings" instead of "bring"?
Why is each stanza in quotation marks?

Perhaps this is a prayer, a wish for less pain and some relief. Pain can certainly become a living nightmare. Sometimes, we don't even realize how much pain we are in until there is relief.

I wish you relief dear poet. ~Pamela

.. .

~"It's ALL about the Poetry~

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Barbara Writes

Mon, 2011-04-18 01:03

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thanks and i appreciate the suggestions and questions. the quotes is just me doing something different.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

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