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The Bread Line

When she shared her news,
it was too late, and for a short time,
later, he'd be angry.

She began to deteriorate the
very next day, for nineteen months
she suffered; but her concerns were
always for him, not the pain no reliever
would ease. Cancer is such an ugly way
to go, but she was brave and beautiful,
even in death.

Eight years later, standing in line,
he had lost everything, but still has to smile ...
it was he who had been loved by her!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


This happen to a good friend of mine Ralph. I lost every from the sorrow he felt inside it been 15yrs. and now he's made a come back I am happy he did I missed my friend
a heart warm write!
thanks for posting old friend
Eddie C.


So sorry to hear about your friends bad time, I too am
glad he's made a comeback, I know that watching a
loved one die slowly will drain everything from us ...
and some can never get back to any sort of normalcy,
but then, what is normal anyway ~

thanks Eddie

author comment

Dignity is what I thought too, glad that it came through!



author comment

thank you, and thank you for calling me "young one" ...
its been a while since that has been said.


author comment

is gained from being truly loved! A beautiful write. ~ Gee

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

thank you and you're so right, it's something that
can't be bought or forced ... it simply is or isn't.


author comment

It is amazing how even the power of Remembered love can transform or support a person. Next to last line you might consider : He had lost everything, but still smiles ......just an alternative you can consider..................stan

Love only dies with the holder ... thanks, I did use your
suggestion, or partially anyway.


author comment

It is these type of writes that just catch in your throat as you try to read them, I doubt anyone could say that they haven't been touched by this disease in their lives. It's a poignant piece.

"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

yes, the disease has touched most families these days,
or at least someone we know, and it really is a terrible way
to leave this world, thank you for your generous comment.


author comment

This one's the typical themoonman poetry: vivid, rhythmic, evocative and skillful.
And very sad, and very uplifting at the same time. How the heck do you do that? Its wonderful.

Only criticism I have is in the last stanza:

Eight years later, standing in line, (<---should this comma be a semicolon or a colon?)
he had lost everything, but still has to smile ...
it was he who had been loved by her!

Most excellent.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

This touches a place inside me that will always remember.

There are still days when I smile, knowing how much I was loved.
I cannot comment on the technicalities of this piece due to the subject matter.
You have brought me memories, grief, and warm thoughts.

Thank you. ~Pamela

.. .

~"It's ALL about the Poetry~

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