Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

heroin

he said black was soothing
an intensity of nothing
he believed in it
and i suppose darkness
if wanted
can make peace
with distressed souls
until they claim a higher distinction
and call it Christianity

i don't think he believes
but he said
something must exist
for him to survive

strange how people do that
believe in a god they can't see
not a heart they can feel beat

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 

Comments

i take the last stanza as belief in self,
so with that in mind, perhaps
'feel beat', rather than 'hear beat'?

just a thought ...nothing wrong as is

i really liked the first of yours i read,
and this only confirms my thoughts
regarding your writing

quite succinct, this write
with relatively few words, a deep
look-see into the addict's thoughts
that begs more wondering

i like how you say what you have
re spiritual belief (or lack of)
it comes across as a genuine musing,
as opposed to being dismissive of
someone's belief

triffic opening line

cheers
p

Yep like the change of word in that line, again it's another of a real person so glad it came across as my thoughts on a real subject.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

i've been reading a few of yours this a.m.

have to say, so far they all come across
as being of real people

that''s definitely a strength of your work

i really like the way you write

cheers
p

A very wise person once told me to always write what you know so it's the only way I do write. Thanks I am glad you're enjoying them.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

Another great poem, and as with pleiades your first couple of poems got me intrested, and you do not dissapoint. Such a strange beast religion, my own thoughts are it's been a means of control for those with power or wealth. And unfortunately some people put going into church, more important than demanding more for humanity off our governments. So in every respect your poem though personal, is also about more than one person. As i say another great poem. Regards Roscoe.. PS Sorry if i go on a wee bit, it's just i get wound up about religion...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Thanks Roscoe, yes this one could relate to any amount of people, the young person in question is at an age where he feels the need to know all there is to fix the world, of course we at an older generation know there are things we can and things we cannot change. The next gen have to find out the same thing sadly.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

... I came across it here by accident, still finding my way round this site (it looks good but is very confusing). I already like this poem, as you know, so I'm using it/you as a guinea pig to see if I can successfully post a comment....

___________

Nah pop no style, a strickly roots.

The site has teething problems but it's up to us as the poets to inform and see what can be done, this is why this site is more active than AP as it allows us feedback on its construction. I prefer that over Kevinism anyday.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

I've tried to argue with Kevin, it's useless. Having said that, it's his site and he can do what he wants with it.

___________

Nah pop no style, a strickly roots.

Thanks Eph, I will give it a go as I enjoy documentaries on most things, I find them invaluable to poetry as well as teaching me stuff I didn't know.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

and expresses something higher. You are a skilled word-crafer, this is, I believe, the sort of freeform that people who think poetry has to rhyme could still appreciate. Good use of enjambment.

I'm not sure how, but I think the line
"but he said something must exist"
could be trimmed or slimmed somehow, it feels a tad inelegant.

Especially love the content. I have known the soothing blackness, the "intensity of nothing" and compared it with the vacuity of dogmatised spirituality (isn't that a contradiction in terms?).

Wouldn't you know I just changed my signature from the apropos
"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything." -Friedrich Nietzsche

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

so close the intimacy of that line
I remember someone holding
their hand on my chest
and feeling my heart beat
the wonder of their expression
and then I realized that life
was indeed precious
Feel beat is from outside
looking towards or inward
"hear" does leave it singular
I like the change

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.