Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Chasing Shadows
Here I go again
Chasing shadows
Things that come to me in my dreams
Real and unreal
At the same time
In my sight
But out of my reach
Shadows I can pass my hand through
But never touch
I can see
But never hold
Shadows of everything
I want to be
Lying forever
Just in front of me
My shadows forever
Trapped in my dreams
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
hobo
Sat, 2011-04-09 23:39
good to write
it was good to write again, I have been in a little bit of a slump and I just wrote this one. I kind of like it but I am a big fan of mine haha. I hope you like it too
Randy
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
author commenthobo
Sun, 2011-04-10 00:43
I hate that
I hate that when I am in the middle of a really good dream and I get distrubed and I can never go back to where I was lol. those are always the best dreams
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2011-05-04 11:03
Dear Hobo,
In my sight
But out of my reach
Shadows I can pass my hand through
But never touch
I can see
But never hold
It reminds me of how after I wake up from a interesting dream and the harder I try to remember it, it slips through my fingers. This is a very wistful piece. I have no suggestions, just appreciation for the work.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
mand
Wed, 2011-05-04 14:12
Hi Hobo
This one reminded me of life! Way off the track! How we have dreams and asperations that we hope to fulfill, somehow, for most of us, it slips through our fingers, but we keep the dream going just in case.
Thanks for sharing - I always like your poems.
Love Mand xxxxx
weirdelf
Thu, 2011-05-12 02:13
Forgive me, hobo,
but this is just wimpy, where is the real life? The interaction with dream and actuality. You sound like a forlorn ghost.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
judyanne
Thu, 2011-05-12 12:25
not wimpy jess
pathetic - NOT an insult - in the true sense of the word...
it depicts a real sorrow and sense of helplessness
'Here I go again
Chasing shadows...
... shadows forever
trapped in my dreams'
-i think you may have more argument with some of the presentation....
as i i believe hobo has captured the feelings well in this write ...
some suggestions randy... (i stress imho only)
Things that come to me in my dreams
Real and unreal
At the same time (perhaps 'simultaniously' might work better)
and
'In my sight
But out of my reach' (change 'but' to and')
just thoughts...
love judy
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
weirdelf
Fri, 2011-06-10 22:52
good insight, judy
but what else would you expect?
I think I was kinder.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
raj
Sat, 2011-06-11 15:28
To me it reads like a duel
To me it reads like a duel between the conscious and sub-conscious mind...i am not sure if this write is a fall out of such a duel...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Clentin
Mon, 2023-02-27 13:27
Dreams are often ways we
Dreams are often ways we review past actions in more personal view helping us to make alterations on ways we will act in the future
Love the poem