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glass lilies

i saw doves
and calla lilies
heard color
in tears
while someone
said to us
put your faith
in god
that death
is no end
but a blessing

i looked around
the different faces
who thought
"which god plays
good and evil
to decide
which person
stays "

what human
wants eternity
when all they love
are alive

how many would say
it's not my god

i look down
at unfulfilled hands
as if a dove flew out
as if a feather stayed

to say
a coward stands here
not afraid to move
but afraid to cry

*~*

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
Funeral yesterday got my muse working overtime.
Editing stage: 

Comments

There comes a time I've seen when some see death as the means to again be with old friends and family who have gone before.........................scribbler

I have long been troubled by whether an 'afterlife' exists, I wish I could and perhaps if I stopped reading Nietzsche it might be easier but I find it hard to see that someplace everything is good and we are all reunited. Perhaps I prefer the Buddhist thought that we all get to come back until we get it right ;)

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

i keep reading "put your faith" as one line

i'm struggling with this stanza's flow...i'm not too confident about the suggestions..so whatever you see fit :D

i looked around
all the different faces
who wondered
"which god plays
good and evil?
who decides
which person
stays?"

the rest is great :) and sad to hear about the funeral... insert hug emoticon

Your suggestions are always spot on, I took out the 'all' in that stanza and added the dialogue quotes, I am loathe to add the question marks for fear it would read like I am asking them rather than making the statement with slight assonance on the wondering of the answers. If that makes sense, thanks again for your eagle eye. :)

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

Thank you Shirl, yes I felt the need after burying a friend's father yesterday to pen this, and the Buddhist way would give us so many chances to perhaps right wrongs, and I kind of like the soul being reborn each time and only an earthly body destined to rot in a grave. It gives me more sense of eternity than thinking it all simply ends.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

I am a complete dibeliever, and can never understand how people can look at life, i mean the world and think there is a god. If there was a god, then the devil is winning hands down. Sorry that's my rant over, and i think again you have penned a beautiful poem. It's a subject that i have often written about often, but more as a way to try and shake people in to looking around. Beautifly written. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

I've read too much Nietzsche to ever fully believe in it at all, I guess I have a faith of sorts but it's more in myself and its will. I believe that we all need to find a place that we are hapy with in ourselves and not expect anyone not even what christianity term 'a god' to give it to us. It's not everyone's way but it should be up to the individual, I feel ordered religion should hang its head in shame for everything it maintains is the will of god!

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

We can only have will to live i think, anything before and after has us in the dark, we have no way of knowing, I guess it sort of depends on whether we believe in evolution or creation and that argument takes up far too much room for this site lol. Thanks for reading..and um pukka?? I gather that is a good thing :D

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

Quite excellent, there is life in death as there is beauty. This speaks softly but echoes within you.

♥ Melissa

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