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Seven Minutes
away away
we are caught in currents
duress
sleight of hand
and at the gate
the idling engines
just this light
from window banks
slakes my thirst
and I hunger
in the miles
tracing from us
I yearn for so much
and we give so little
precious is the we
of all
this tide that sweeps
away the histories
Editing stage:
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Comments
CCfire
Thu, 2011-03-31 02:17
It may be rough
but I find not much to crit here, I read it several times, perhaps I'd change the 'idling engine' to 'engines idle' but it's a moot point to the strength of the rest. That ending is so good. It gives the piece it's 'aha' moment. Powerful freeform.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Esker
Thu, 2011-03-31 09:39
I like
after reading this a few times
with "engines idling"
it sounds smoother
thank You for the comment