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Breakfast in Spring
Sunburst glows, fades
returns in tomorrow’s venue
Daffodil bursts, grows and shows
lushness amid Lenten’s darkness
Satin whiteness among leaves of green
feed my craving
as this morning’s hard boiled blossom
radiates, framed against
the spitting blackness of today’s breakfast
searing on caste iron skillet.
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Comments
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-03-28 17:16
I'm not sure why but I really like this
some delightfully startling contrasts.
The only thing that bothers me a bit is
lushness amid Lenten’s darkness
Satin whiteness among leaves of green [amid and amongst, the repetition is a bit incongruous, but I can't see a way around it]
very effective write.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
vexations10
Tue, 2011-03-29 07:36
Thanks for you comment
I was trying to work on the metaphor. Will play with it in a few days and see how it looks then.
vexations
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