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birth of the sun, moon and stars
i'd heard
it spoken
how he
hated stars
and frivolous
things
and lazy
sundays
old dogs
with
older men
who sat
in parks
smoking
talking with
young children,
imparted wisdom
he never
in his existence
conversed
with god,
with strangers,
with her
they said
if you met
he'd inspire you
and you would
cut out stars,
drag down
the moon
and live
in the suns shadow
but with her
he fumbled words
drank dark poetry
in darker places
than she would go
all while saying
i never cared
i don't care,
i won't
they say
his child
looks just like him
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage:
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Sun, 2011-03-27 07:00
Stunning,
Stunning this was a pleasure to read, Regards Roscoe...ps welcome
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Kailashana2
Sun, 2011-03-27 07:58
Oh yes.
Oh yes.
They never say what isn't God's truth. The son looks just like his father...made in his *own* image.
Welcome again, thank you for bringing your POETRY.
~A
Blue_Halcyon
Sun, 2011-03-27 09:57
Excellent poem
Gee, it almost sounds like you met my biological father. hahaha lol
I'm glad that you've found Neo. I will be looking forward to reading more of your work.
It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
magics02
Sun, 2011-03-27 09:43
Spotted
Great free verse with a lot of meanings in this one. I enjoyed this write. Good job
Mona
CCfire
Wed, 2011-03-30 20:57
Thanks :)
You are too kind, I so appreciate the lovely comments and friendliness of this place, it's a breath of fresh air to me.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
CCfire
Wed, 2011-03-30 20:57
LOL...I just love your
LOL...I just love your comments already :)
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche