Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Tracing pain,

Tracing pain…

Hurtful skin tight
tired and taught
his pain dampened
no I’d say it’s not,
each line contoured
like a craggy heath
never to see
what lies beneath.

Draw the pencil
make it speed
don’t drag those
lines deep in deed,
spare the rod I hear
from his past, he
never slept first
night or last.

Still he strides out
his eyes beady
does what he can
for those more needy,
perhaps we’ll trace
his pain from there
or at least understand
why the old grey hair.

My pencil may
weaken fail to cure
I’m to blame
for his demure,
tell him no my
hand is true
he and I’ll finish,
what both must do....

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
You have to feel for it...
Editing stage: 

Comments

I liked these lines best:

Still he strides out
his eyes beady
does what he can
for those more needy,
perhaps we’ll trace
his pain from there
or at least understand
why the old grey hair.

sort of reminds me of Don Quixote.

Always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you Cat, nice of you to comment. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

I read this as aman bearing scars of past suffering still wanting to help where he can.................stan

Thank you Stan, i guess we all have scars, all different. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Thank you Jayne, your opinion is very important to me. Love Roscoe..PS. hope things look up for you now, we at Neopoet need the best people to guide us....

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Many thanks your comments are much appreciated and respected. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.