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"LISA"
when the clouds up there stop playing across,
will love still be in the air or it will then carry a cross?
though it was a complicated thing that never rely on a toss,
still it just colors my will to move on for my cause.
love indeed has no walls,no rules,no laws..
but when its part is broken,what's gone? what's lost?
though chances are just playing...moving and tossing across,
still i'll move on for my cause even if i'm to carry a cross..
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2011-03-22 10:29
This ha ,
This has potential but needs some work. If we had the workshops set up, they're are so many here would help.i am willing to help. Like first verse third line, Though it's complicated i still give a toss, That kind of thing shapes and softens. I'll look in again and see what your thoughts are. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.